Shooting Star
by Ainasdream
Summary: Shooting stars' lights are diyng out quickly. But when they spark, they are the brightest in the sky. I knew one, I saw him shine and I saw him fall. His name was Sirius Black. The Marauders in the point of view of Mary Macdonald.
1. Chapter 1

**AN.:** Hi, everybody. This is my first fanfic, and my first writing in English ever. I would like to ask you if you can see periodic mistakes (grammar, word order, phrasing etc.) please tell me. Of course reviews are welcomed. :) Thank you for your reading, I hope you will enjoy the story.

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter's world and characters are belonging to J.K. Rowling. I do not own anything, expect the story and the OC's.

* * *

**Welcome to our life I**

„Sirius is dead." Says Remus so much pain in his voice that I know that is the word's end for him. We stand in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place. I look at Remus. He doesn't cry, he didn't cry. His eyes aren't red, his face isn't swallowed. Despite of this I know how much pain is he. When I look at his face I can see a broken, old man. As he wouldn't be 36-years-old, but older than the Time itself.

I don't say anything. I can't, because there are no words for our loss. Our last friend left us. We are alone. We couldn't have held on each other fourteen years ago, and both of us know that we won't be able to do to that now, either.

I don't ask how he died. I don't care. It wouldn't change anything. Sirius gone forever and he will never come back. We won't hear his barking laugh again, we won't see as he throws back his long black hair.

I can't bear this thought, this silence, this stiff stationarity. I have to do something. I go to the refrigerator and take out two bottles butterbear. I give one to Remus. For a long moment he just stare it, then open it with a movement of his wand. I open mine too, with the edge of the table.

„To Sirius." He raises his bottle.

„To Sirius." I repeat.

We clink the glasses, then drink a nip from the butterbeers. The usually sweet drink now seems so bitter. I am sure that Remus thinks the same, because he put his drink to the table. I hold mine, just so that I can do something with my hands. We sit in silence and avoid each other's look. After some time the silence begin to be unbearable. Both of us want to say something, but the words fail us. I can see that his hands shaking. I want to make it easier for him, I want to comfort him, so I stand up to hug him. I can't finish my movement when I have heard the shouting of Mrs. Black. I could kill this woman, if she weren't dead already. After a moment the kitchen's door unfolds and Dumbledore walk in.

"I thought you will be here, Remus." Says the old man.

"I wanted to be the one, who tells to Mary."

The always kind and dutiful Remus.

"This is very observant of you." Replies Dumbledore. "I am frankly sorry for your loss. To lose a friend never easy, but now we have no time to mourn. We have to empty this house. With Sirius' dead, it isn't safe anymore."

Anger rises in my chest. A man died and this is his biggest problem. Sirius doesn't exist anymore, and all he can care with that damned house. I could hit him in his face. As always, Remus is faster than me.

"We can't know for sure the effects of …" he is not able to say Sirius' name. "the events." His voice is dreadfully emotionless.

"I am sorry Remus, but we can't take risk. I know there are lots of memories about him in this house, which are difficult to release, but it is necessary. Sirius wouldn't want us to rush ourselves into danger. "

Remus opens his mouth to reply, but this time I am the faster.

"Leave it, Remus. We have to leave this house. Sirius should have left this house."

As I sound the words loudly, I know they are right. Sirius always hated this house. There isn't anything, which would have been precious for him.

I make my way out of the kitchen. I want to leave this house. As I walk across the leaving room I notice that the salon's door is open. I can see the Black's Family Tree tapestry on the wall. Some unknown power pulls me towards it. I search for the burnt hole, which once was Sirius' name. After a moment I find it, next to Regulus Black. I look up to the family's watchword: ___Toujours Pur. _I can think just one thing: You were Sirius. You were always pure.

I put my left hand on the hole, as I can reach him in that way. I know it is in vain. I know that I will never see again the man, whom I met as a little girl, so many years ago.

* * *

I have never been so nervous, like on 1 September 1971. This was the time for me to go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and begin my studies. As it was Wednesday, my father had to work. He wanted to take a holiday, but his boss didn't allow him. So he took me to train station at 8 o'clock at morning. I had to wait two hours, before the train doors opened. At that time the station still was almost empty. I didn't want the adults to ask about my parents' whereabouts, so I made my way to the train.

I chose a compartment, sat by the window and stared the people on the station. As the time passed, more and more gathered on the platform. The students of the senior classes were searching for their friends to greet them after the long summer vacation. The freshmen seemed worried and a little bit frightened. The most of them didn't want to release their parents' hand. I was sure that they are muggleborned. A fatty boy with straw-coloured hair seemed the most nervous. Despite of the little bit chilly weather he was streaming with perspiration. I felt sorry for him, because it was obvious that he hasn't got too much self-confident. His mother tried to calm him down, I found her really nice any patient. It seemed that he feel better from the comforting words, because his eyes didn't sweep nervously anymore. Those, whom had an older sibling, were more self-confident. Possibly, they knew what is waiting for them. There was something common in all of the students: the flushed face, which was caused by chafing. This was the biggest adventure in their life, so in mine.

Suddenly I heard a loud whoop, which was produced by a black, uncombed haired boy with spectacles. He just arrived at the moment through the wall with his parents. He seemed the most confident all of the students. He squares his shoulders, and proudly raised his chin. His mother held his hand, but he was so excited that he couldn't have been stay fixed. His gaze always found his way back to the train, as he wanted to get on it as soon as possible. On his mother face I could see the mix of sadness and boast. Apparently she didn't want let her son go. I was sure that the boy was her only child.

"Don't worry, my love" I heard a man voice under my window. He talked to his wife. "He will have a great time. Right, son?"

"Yes, dad" The light-brown-haired boy's answer was a little bit indefinite, but he smiled at his mother timidly. He wore a worn jeans and a plain shirt. Visibly the family didn't have too much money, but they weren't in need with love. With that thought they sank out of my sight.

From the opposite direction an other family came up towards my position. All of them had black hair. The elder boy was a freshman as me. He already wore his robe. His brother didn't seem too much younger, than him. They stopped under my window, so I huddled myself up. I didn't want them that they believe that I was eavesdropping.

"I am so proud of you, Son." I heard the mother voice, which was emotionless.

"Thank you, Mother." It was so official.

"Don't make me disappointed. Behave yourself and obey to your teacher. Study a lot, and always do your homework." It was almost a carrying mother's words. "You have to be the top all of your classes." As I said, almost. "You can't bring shame on the family name." Okay, not the slightest. "Do you understand it?"

"Yes, Mother" Rung the reply.

"Your cousin will help you with everything. You always can ask her help if you have a problem with your studies." It was the man's voice.

"Yes, Father." I wondered that he can say anything else.

"Please, write me a lot." It was his little brother.

"I will write to you every week."

"Promise?"

"Promise, Reg."

"I will miss you, Siri."

They really don't love their children, I thought, otherwise they didn't give them such stupid names.

"I will miss you too, little brother."

"It's time for us to go." The father broke the brotherly moment. "Be a good boy, Sirius and owl us after the shorting ceremony."

"If we wouldn't know, in which house will he be sorted." Cut in the mother.

"I want to hear the good news from him." Said the father bit anger in his voice.

"I will owl to you, Father" Promised the boy.

"Get on the train, and earn your cousin. Have a good ride, Son." said goodbye the father.

"Good bye, Sirius." This was everything what the mother said.

Cautiously, I look out the window. I couldn't believe that was all. They won't see their son more than three months. His father slap his on the back and his mother gave him a kiss on his cheek. There wasn't love in neither of the movements. His parents turned back him, but his brother didn't move. He hugged his older brother and I could see the tears in his eyes.

"Come on, Regulus." Pealed the mother.

The little boy had released his brother and ran to his mother. Last he turned back and waved his brother, who waved him back. I lost in the moment, so I didn't notice that the boy had turned towards the train. He stared at me and tried to figure out whether I heard their conversation or not. I stood his glance; I didn't want to prove my guilt. After a long moment he had given it up and made his way to the train. I sat back relieved.

The train started right at eleven o'clock. I couldn't enjoy the ride too long, because after ten minutes a group of elder students came to my compartment. After they had seen me, they stopped talking.

"Who the hell are you, midget?" Asked a blonde-haired girl. They all stared at me.

"My name is Mary Macdonald." I answered.

"Macdonald? I have never heard this name before." Said a robust boy.

"She is a Mudblood, surely." I didn't know the meaning of the word.

"Are you a Muggle-born, midget?" Questioned the robust boy. I stared at him unable to answer.

"Are your parents Muggles?" Spoke again the blonde girl.

"My father is."

"And what about your mother?" Asked me a girl with dark, brown eyes.

"I have no mother" I replied.

"Oh, poor little orphan." mocked a bar-eared boy.

I had stood up and decided to leave the compartment.

"What's the problem, little orphan? Did we offend you?"

I had got through them and turned left.

"Oh, please, don't be angry with us, little orphan!" They all laughed.

"I am not an orphan." What is enough is enough. "And you are butts."

"Oh, how scarring."

"I am shivering."

Their words with an edge escorted me on the passage. I tried to find an empty compartment, but all seemed full. Suddenly a red-haired girl and a hooked nose boy flounced out a compartment. They seemed really pissed off. They went the other half of the carriage. I looked in the compartment, which they had left. Just two boys sat in there. The spectacled one and the star. I wasn't sure whether it is Sirius or Regulus. I hadn't got in the mood of searching, so I opened the door.

"Can I have a seat?" I asked politely.

"Are you brave enough? We just dismissed two girls a moment ago." The uncombed tried to be funny.

"One of them was a boy." I thrownaway.

"Outwardly at best." Again the funny one.

Both of them laughed and I took a seat.

"What's your name?" Asked the boy with the scary parents.

"Mary Macdonald."

"Like the Muggle fast food restaurant chain?" He really thought that he is funny.

"No. I write it with A. M-A-C." I spelled.

"So, Mac. In which house would like to be sorted?" Asked the brown-eyed.

"Mary. And as I know, won't we decide in this question."

"Oh, come on. I am sure that you have a favourite house."

"What if my parents aren't wizards? How should I know about the houses?"

"But you know about the houses, so you aren't a Muggle-born." Drew the inference the star.

"Well, in this case I think I am not enough sly for Slytherin."

"Who want to be in Slytherin? It is for losers. The coolest house is Gryffindor." shouted the spectacled.

"Do you think that you will be sorted in Gryffindor?" I inquired.

"Of course. My parents were Gryffindors. Beside of this I am brave, noble and loyal."

"Obviously not meek and polite enough to Hufflepuff." I ironiezed.

"If it comes to." Cut in the star. "I mean, politeness. I am Sirius Black, and this is James Potter."

"Nice to meet you, Sirius." I ignored Potter.

"It seems you aren't polite enough, either." Mumbled Potter. I didn't reply, rather had taken out a book and started to read.

The ride was spending slowly. Potter and Black were talking and laughing. They were really understand well each other. Approximately twelve o'clock a witch with buffet car came to our compartment.

"Anything from the car, dears?" Asked in a warm tone.

The boys had jumped up immediately and started to sort among the sweets.

"Don't you want buy anything?" Asked Potter, not looking at me.

"I am not hungry."

"Buy some chocolate. It is not for hunger."

"I don't like chocolate." I lied.

Black looked at me. He looked my clothes up and down. I snapped my glance, and tried to hide the redness of my face with my book. He didn't say anything, just turned back to the car.

After they had bought everything what they wanted (which wasn't slight), they sat back and continued their conversation. After a moment Black cried surrenders.

"Oh, I didn't notice that I bought cookies with orange filling, I thought it is with peach filling."

"And don't you like it?" Asked Potter, while put a chocolate frog in his mouth.

"Not really." Pop, he looked at me. "Do you like it?"

"Thanks, I am really not hungry."

"Please, I don't want to bundle out." He smiled.

"Then give it to me. I like it." Exclaimed Potter.

I had stretched my hand and took the cookies. No way that Potter gets it!

"Thank you."

He didn't say anything, rather he started to unfold Berti Bott's Every Flavour Bean. I unfolded the cookies and we were eating in silent. On that day I learnt that not every child suggest to his parents.


	2. Chapter 2

Welcome to our life II

It had been dark as we arrived at Hogsmeade Station. We had got off the train and followed the voice, which repeated: "First years, first years! Over here!" The man was really enormous. He could be dread, but he had a friendly face. We gathered around him.

"Is everybody here?" He asked. "Okay, then follow me!"

We did as he said. The most of the students seemed confused. It was a little bit awful that we had left the senior classes, and we wandered with a giant man in the dark.

"Where are we going?" I asked. This part weren't in the Hogwarts, A History.

"Are you afraid, Mac?" Asked Potter with a sardonic smile in his face.

"You just want it, Potter." I snapped. I really wasn't afraid, I was terrified.

After five minutes we arrived to a lake. Its water was dark, but overleaf I could see the lines of Hogwarts. I calmed down. We weren't kidnapped. On the shore there were little boots, fleeting on the water.

"Four in one boat. Not more." Warned us the giant man.

Potter and Sirius boarded the next boat. In that sat the redhead and the hooked-nose from the train. It was obvious, that they weren't happy with their travel companions. I choose the boat, in which the poor guy from the station had sat. A moment after me a fatty boy tried to board ungracefully. The poor boy had pitied him and helped him.

"Thank you" Whispered the fatty boy. He was shaking. "I am feed the fishes."

"It doesn't seem a long voyage." Tried to encourage him the other boy.

The fatty had smiled gratefully and sat next to me. The boats started.

"Anyway, I am Peter. Peter Pettigrew." He was abashed.

"I am Mary Macdonald." I offered my hand.

"My name is Remus Lupin." He seemed shy.

"Serious?" I couldn't help; it was just slipped out my mouth.

"Did you call me?" Shouted Sirius from the other boat.

"No." I replied, and wondered, how parents able to take it out of their children so much.

"I mean, it is really special name." I tried to explain away to Remus.

"Don't worry. The most of the people reacted in the same way." His smile was honest.

"Why the other guy thought that you had called him?" Asked Peter. His eyes were closed.

"Oh, because his name is Sirius. You won't be the only one with an uncommon name." I smiled at Remus.

"Do you know what is waiting for us?" Inquired Peter.

I had opened my mouth to tell some comforting words, because he desperately desired them, when I heard a loud splash. I turned my head towards the direction of the sound. The hooked-nose boy was in the water. The red-haired girl helped him back to the boat, while Potter and Sirius leaned from laughter.

"Are you okay, Perselus?" Asked the girl from his friend.

"Yeah, I am okay Lily."

The other boys couldn't able to stop laughing.

"This isn't funny." Put Lily the boys in their place. "He could have hurt himself."

"The only thing what traumatised is his hair." Said Potter.

"Yeah, that was a good thing to happen. His hair really fitted on a washing." Back-pedalled Sirius.

Lily and Perselus didn't appreciate their comments, and they turned their back on them. The other two boy exchanged an accomplice look.

The boats docked on the shore and we left them. Remus and I helped Peter get out. Lily had grabbed Perselus' hand, and pulled him to the head of the row. I thought that she wanted to be as far as possible from Sirius and Potter. We followed the corny man towards the entrance of the castle. We entered to the entrance hall, where a witch waited for us. She had a stern face. Peter paled when he had looked at her face.

"There are the first years, Professor." Addressed her the giant. "This one" pointed to Perselus "crashed to the water."

"Thank you, Hagrid." Hagrid nodded and left the room.

The professor pointed his wand to Perselus, and with a movement of her wand, his clothes dried.

"I am greeting you in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am Professor Minerva McGonagall. I will escort you to the location of your sorting. Follow me." She ordered.

"She is a real warm-hearted woman." Whispered Potter to Sirius. For the first time I had to agree with him. Professor McGonagall leaded us in a small room.

"The sorting ceremony will start in moments." She told us. "This will be the most determining occasion in your Hogwarts' life. Hogwarts has four houses, and all of you will be sorted in one. The four houses names are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. The house, in which you will be sorted, will be your family for the next seven years. Every house has a noble quality, as you have too. You will be sorted by your strongest flavour. No need to worry, everybody will find their place. Good luck!" She had waved her hand, and we followed her.

We gone to the Great Hall, where were all the students.

"I will puke." Informed us Peter. He really seemed that he would, so I changed my position. Professor McGonagall had held up her hand, so we stopped. Before us there was a chair and on that a pointed wizard's hat. Everybody stared at the hat, expect Sirius. He fixed his gaze towards the Slytherin's table. Unexpectedly, the hat began to sing. Sirius glanced it, then turned his head back towards the Slytherins. I followed his gaze; he stared at the blonde girl, who insulted me on the train.

"Do you know her?" I whispered.

"She is my cousin." I didn't want to believe that he hasn't got a normal relation.

"Do you want to be in Slytherin?" I asked him curiously.

His response was sucked by clapping hands. The hat finished his song.

"When you hear your name, come here, sit down to the chair and put on the hat. Which house's name the hat will say, you go thereto." Professor McGonagall instructed us.

"Archer, Emma." Sounded the first name. The girl with curly hair went to the chair. She was incredibly nervous. Professor McGonagall put the hat on her head.

"Hufflepuff." Shouted the hat after a few moments. The girl made his way towards the Hupplepuff's table. Everybody clapped for her. She was lightened.

"Black, Sirius." Sirius sat down to the chair. His face didn't bespeak about his feelings. His sorting wasn't as fast as Emma's. I thought that the hat never will make its decision. But finally it declared its verdict.

"Gryffindor." The room stayed calm. Nobody applauded. Sirius seemed bitter and disappointed. I could swear that I see fear in his eyes. Despite of that he tried to smile. Then I heard a lonely palm's clatter. It was Potter. He applauded to Sirius. Remus and I hooked on him at the same time. Several people followed our example, and Sirius made his way towards the Gryffindors in loud hurrah.

The sorting continued, but my thoughts were around Sirius. I couldn't understand the silence, which followed his sorting. I glanced at his cousin, she was upset. I supposed that Gryffindor wasn't the house where his family want him.

"Lupin, Remus." I picked up my head to the familiar name. While I was in my thoughts, three students were sorted, including Lily, who now sat beside Sirius. He had noticed me and waved his hand, to response I did the same, then I watched Remus. He sat on the chair with the hat on his hat. After the hat had exclaimed "Gryffindor", he had smiled shyly to his new housemates and sat beside Lily. Sirius said something to him (I guessed congratulation or welcome to the team), and he smiled back at Sirius, then started to talk with Lily. Sirius seemed who didn't mind it, because his eyes were blind. I was sure that he doesn't want to be here; moreover he wants to be alone.

"Mac, you deaf." Jogged Potter on my side.

"I told you that my name is..." I had begun furiously, but I was interrupted.

"Macdonald, Mary." Professor McGonagall's voice sounded more furious than mine. I guessed that wasn't the first time she said my name. I made my way towards her; my face was as red as Lily's hair. I had sat down on the chair, and she put (rather pushed) the hat to my head. I almost fell from my seat, when I heard the hat voice in my head.

"You seem surprised." It laughed.

"Yeah," I thought. "A hat talks to me. This happens every day."

"You are a witch, so it's better if you get used to it." It answered.

"Okay, so I suppose it can hear my thoughts."

"Yes, I can hear. Definitely. Sorry, but now I have no time for chit-chat, I have to find your place. Well, yes you are surely not a Hufflepuff or Slytherin, but you have wit. Ravenclaw could be good for you. But I can see something else, which is stronger. Yeah, it is loyalty. So the best place for you is Gryffindor."

The last word was said loudly, because I could hear the applause. I had smiled widely and ran to the Gryffindor table.

"It seems we will play in the same team." Greeted me Sirius with a huge smile.

"Yeah, it seems. I hope I won't have to share the same house with Potter." I begged.

"The boy with huge ego and spectacles?" Turned Lily to me.

I nodded.

"I pray for the same." She added.

"It seems James isn't the type of girls."

"Definitely not." I agreed. "He is..."

"Potter, James." Potter had gone to the chair with self-confident steps, and sat down with a wide smile.

"Not Gryffindor, not Gryffindor." I begged. "Not ..."

"Gryffindor." Shouted the hat. I wished that I would stomp that hat.

Potter ran towards us with loud whoops of joy.

"I told. There isn't other house that suits me better." He demanded, while he pushed me away and sat next to Sirius. I was sure that it will be the longest and most difficult seven years in my life.

The sorting finished shortly. Pettigrew was sorted to Gryffindor, which really surprised me, but I greeted him with a warm smile, as did Remus. I could see the disappointment on Lily's face, when Severus had been sorted in Slytherin. The boy seemed disappointed too, when he looked at Lily. I assumed she was his only friend here. After the ceremony the tables filled with food, and I had eaten so much, that I almost blew-out. Potter was in the same state, against us Sirius barely ate. He joked with Potter and talked with Remus and Peter, but he didn't seem swim happy. After the dinner, the Prefects leaded us to the Gryffindor common room. I found it warm and friendly with the colours of red and gold. The senior years talked and played there, but I was so tried that the only thing I wanted was a bed. My wish came true in moments, because the Head Girl escorted us to our dormitory room. Our trunks were at our beds' end. I had opened mine and brought out a roll of parchment, a quill and ink, and I started to write to my father. Lily did the same on her bed. The others were in the bathroom.

"Damn it!" I cursed when I plunked my ink from the table. Great I would write to my dad that sends me a bottle ink, because I am a fumbler, I continued in silence. I moped up the ink with a rag. I stared furiously at the empty bottle, just like it was its fault, not mine.

"Do you want some ink to finish your letter?" The voice came behind me.

I had looked at Lily, and nodded. "I would be grateful."

She had given me her bottle of ink and knitted her letter to her owl's leg.

"Are you writing to your parents?" She inquired.

"Yes. I don't want my dad to worry." She was polite, and didn't ask why I talk about only my father.

"Neither, am I. We didn't introduce official. I am Lily Evans."

"Mary Macdonald. How do you like Hogwarts, Lily?"

"It's fascinating. I read Hogwarts, A History, but I couldn't imagine this."

"Yeah, I feel the same way. It's incredible." I smiled at her, as I finished my letter. "My father is a Muggle, so I hadn't got too much information about it."

"My parents are Muggles too. I am the only witch in the family. I couldn't have believed it, if Perselus didn't speak about the wizarding world earlier."

"The boy with the long black hair?" I asked. I didn't want to say anything offending.

"Yes, he is my friend." Her voice was martial. I thought not a lot of people liked the boy.

"It could be great, if you have a friend here with you." I wished myself one, too.

"Yeah, it is reassuring. It's pity that we aren't in the same house."

"You can meet in your free time, after the classes."

"You are right, and as I know Gryffindors and Slytherins have some common classes."

I had smiled at her, and gave back her the bottle of ink.

"Thank you. I have to go to the Owlery to send my letter."

"I think I am going to bed. It was a long day. Good night!"

"Good night!" I smiled as I left the room. Maybe these seven years won't be so awful, even if I have to endure Potter.

* * *

On my first morning in Hogwarts I woke up at six o'clock. I never was the kind of people, who can sleep to noon. I didn't want to wake my roommates up, so silently I left the room after I had got dressed. I had been surprised when I saw that somebody there is in the common room. Sirius sat on the wing-chair and he was reading.

"Good morning." I greeted him.

"Hey! I didn't expect anybody in that hour."

"Neither am I. When did you wake up?"

"At five o'clock."

"I am a sleepy-head correlate to you."

"I guess." He smiled. "Do you want to play wizard chess?" He didn't wait for my answer, instead of this he put on the men on the chessboard.

"Is this similar to muggle chess?" I asked, while I was taking my seat.

"The rules are the same, but you don't have to move the men with your hand. It's enough if you say out your order. You will be with the darks; I will start and show you. Pawn to B2."

I watched under a spell, as the man was moving for the order.

"Cool. How it is know that which one do you think?"

"Just look at it, and concentrate."

"Okay, Pawn to E2." My pawn did what I said. "I did it!" I cried.

Sirius was generous and didn't laugh at me. During our game an owl knocked on the window. I recognized it; I sent my letter to my dad with it. I had got up and opened the window.

"This is from my dad." I explained Sirius, while I got hold of my letter and a little packet. "I sent him a letter on the previous night."

"Did he already send you something?" Sirius asked perplexedly, as he pointed the little box in my hand.

"Yeah I was shedding my ink accidently." I answered, while I ran over the letter.

"What is he writing?" His voice was so strange. Somehow sad and envious.

"That he misses me, but he hopes that I have a good time. And he is very proud of me."

"Because you are a Gryffindor?"

"I think he would write that, it is all one in which house I am."

"Can we continue our game?" He asked in a vexed tone.

I had nodded and we sat back to the chessboard.

"Don't you happy that you are a Gryffindor?" I asked him. His behaviour was so strange after the sorting, and it didn't live me.

"Doesn't matter. It can be changed."

"I thought that you will be happy, because you are in the same house with Potter."

"I like James, and I find the other two boys sympathetic too. But all of my family members were in Slytherin. I just wanted... Never mind. It is stupidity." He cut himself.

"You wanted to your parents make proud. It isn't stupidity. I want my dad too, to be proud of me." I tried to comfort him.

"And what about your mother?" He really didn't want to talk about his family.

"She left us when I was five, so I am not really care about her opinion."

"Maybe I should do that to."

"Yeah if it were so easy. I try not to think of her too much, and if anybody asks me about her I say that I have no mother. But it's difficult. Last night after the ceremony I wished that she could see the sorting. She was a Gryffindor too. I want her to be proud of me."

"At least you followed her steps."

"This is not something that we can choose. The hat made the decision."

"I hope my parents will be as understanding as you." I heard the scepticism in his voice, and seen his parents I could understand him.

* * *

Potter ended up our games at eight o'clock, when I needed just two steps to win the match. He had rushed into the common room and grabbed Sirius' hand, demanded it was breakfast time. I packed the chessboard disappointedly.

"Did you play chess?" It was Remus.

"Yeah, with Sirius. Then Potter came." I didn't tell more, and it seemed Potter is enough explanation for Remus.

"He has an interesting personality."

"If you mean loud, self-centric, I can agree with you."

"I like him. He is very humorous." I couldn't imagine that I sympathized with Peter.

"I didn't notice it." Remus chuckled on my response.

"Will you play chess?" Lily entered the room.

"No, I played with Sirius. The game is over."

"And who won?"

"Potter." I said sombrely.

"I had known that the chess is a two-player game." Unabled Lily.

"Forget it. I am starving."

"So am I." Back-pedalled Peter.

We made our way to the Great Hall. Sirius and Potter were already eating. We sat around them.

"Hey, everybody. This is our first day in Hogwarts, be a little more keen." This was Potter's first sentence on that day and I already could have slapped him.

"We are keen, James, just in a calmer way than you." Explained Remus.

"Eat from these pancakes and you will be not so calm. They are sugar bombs."

I had grabbed the plate with the pancakes and took away from the near of Potter. His response was sucked by the crowd of owls, which flew in the windows and delivered their packs to the students.

Everybody unfolded their packs and was reading their letters.

"Sirius?" For Remus voice I turned my face towards Sirius, who was holding a red envelope in his hands.

"Is it a Howler?" Asked James in disbelief.

Sirius didn't answer, but it was no need of that. In the next moment the envelope had flown away from his hands and stopped before Sirius's face. A woman's voice filled the room.

"Sirius Orion Black!" It was no doubt to anyone who was the addressee. "How dare you? You ungrateful brat." Sirius could trust to won't unravel who had written the letter. "My own flesh and blood." The hope died in that moment. "I always told you how important the respect of the family, and now you fouled it. Nobody, have never brought such a shame on the name of the Black's. Gryffindor? None of the Blacks were in Gryffindor, in the house of blood traitors and Mugglelovers. And now my own son. Incredible! Be ashamed of yourself. Just come home and you will know how much disappointment caused you to your family. Shame of my flesh." With that the envelope was burnt.

The whole school stared at Sirius, who was so pale, that I was sure he will fall down in a faint. His face was expressionless, his eyes were glassy, but his hands were shaking. Nobody moved or talked, the silence started to be unbearable.

"Sirius." Tried Remus. Sirius didn't look at him.

"Hurry with your breakfast, if you don't want to late from your first class." Professor McGonagall saved the situation.

After everybody went back to their males, James spoke.

"Come on, mate. This is not so bad." All of us stared at him in disbelief. Even Sirius raised his head. "Okay, it's bad enough. But honestly, what were you waiting?" We couldn't move, we couldn't speak. We were sure that James Potter is not normal. "I mean with that name. Sirius Orion Black. S.O.B. It is in your name." No, he can't be serious, I thought. We had frozen and waited for Sirius' reaction. For the surprise for all of us, he started to laugh. It was dry, joyless laugh, a broken boy's.

"You are right, mate. Who cares?" You Sirius, you care: it was all of us eyes.

"I am here for you, and I am really happy that we are in the same house. This will be our lives best seven years. Trust me." James dangled him.

Sirius smiled, and this time it was real. Bittersweet, but real.

"Come." Potter had grabbed Sirius' hand and started to pull him out of the Great Hall. "I have a fantastic idea. I am sure that Professor McGonagall's smile is charming and I would like to see it. So, I thought that..." The end of the sentence couldn't be heard, and I didn't mind it. I was sure that anything what Potter want to do, won't make Professor McGonagall smile.

"Am I the one, who think that it was weird?" Asked Lily.

We shook our head in agreement. Yeah, James Potter was an egoistic sot, but he was a surprisingly great friend. Well, in his creepy way.


	3. Chapter 3

Little wonders

When I thought that James Potter's ego can't be bigger, he proved the opposite. In second year he got into the Gryffindor Quidditch Team as a chaser. In that year the team won all of his matches, and in that had a great part of Potter. He was an incredibly good player: fast, prescient, co-operate. He was the hero of the team, all the Gryffindors adored him. Expect Lily and me. I admitted his talent, but I hated the way as he handled the popularity. He really enjoyed it; he loved to be in focus. But like a good friend, he didn't left his friends in the shoreline. He shared with them his flame.

Peter obviously enjoyed it, but he was unable to handle it. He always brought himself in scrape situations. He hadn't got the skill to charm the people. Despite of that Potter never left the people to poke Peter. He always protected his friend. After some incidents, people understood that it does no good to bid defiance to James Potter, so they rather get off Peter.

In the other hand Remus didn't enjoy it. He was a silent, shy type and he loved read in a still corner. To tell the truth, he just would love to, if the others would let him. Wherever went Peter, James and Sirius, they took Remus with them. Slowly he accepted the situation and I could see in his face that he enjoy the company of his friends. Most of the time.

And Sirius. Well, Sirius didn't need James' light to shine, he had the own. The people liked him for his humour, his talent and his negligent attitude. I knew that his attitude was protection. When he got the Howler from his mother, something broke in him, and it couldn't be repaired. He played the role of the careless heir, but if you looked at his eyes, you could see the suspense and fear. In third year he joined in the Quidditch Team too as keeper. The team won the matches again, and who thought Sirius an arrogant sheik, after that they celebrated him.

My relationship didn't change with Potter in those three years, then again with the others. I really paled Lily and for the sake of her sometimes I was willing to bear Snape's company. She was a nice girl, friendly with everyone and she was one the best students. I envied her a little bit. At least until our fourth year, when Potter started to be after her.

I gladly spent my time with Remus, but most of the time we were just sitting and reading. When he were with the boys he never had a calm moment, and he enjoyed the silent minutes.

I didn't spend too much time with Peter. He always, i.e. always, was with Potter, and Potter spent most of his time with Sirius, so I spent my time with Peter when I was with Sirius. It wasn't too much time that I spent with him. We usually had played chess every morning until the others woke up. We talked a lot under our matches, sometimes about our families. Sometimes we worked in pair at classes, when Peter begged James to choose him. Despite of that we spent just little time with each other, we became friends. Maybe friend wasn't the closest definition, but we had a bond. I think family was the one, which tied us. Both of us were an uncommon background, with people, who didn't love us in the way as we desired. His parents were cold and my mother was distant. All I knew about her that she didn't love me enough and she decided to leave me. Sirius' parents were with him, but never understand him, and it's hurt him more than my mother's exit to me. James, Remus and Peter had loving parents, so they weren't able to understand Sirius, because they couldn't imagine that a parent can't love his/her child unconditionally. I realised that when we first met with a boggart in our third year.

We had D.A.D.A. class with Professor Smith, an old, fragile witch. She was stern and sarcastic, but she really loved her job, and her enthusiasm infected the whole class. First she always surrendered the theoretical knowledge, than we tried it in the practise.

"Now you know the necessary information about the boggarts. So stand up in a row and front with your deepest fear." Professor Smith instructed us. We did as she said. I tried to stay in the end of the row, and for my surprise, Sirius too. James sent him a questioning look from the front of the row. Sirius just shrugged his shoulders in response.

"Mr. Potter, this is not the time when the danger comes from behind our back, so please, turn forward." Potter nodded and faced with the cupboard, which hid the boggart.

"For three I open the door and the boggart will come forward. Don't forget to think something, which make it ridiculous and don' forget the spell. I want to hear it again. Say it." The professor ordered.

"Riddikulus!" We shouted together.

"Very well, then let's the party started. One. Two. Three." She opened the door, and the boggart appeared. Remus was the first who face with it. The boggart turned into a yellow, round something. I didn't have enough time to examine it, because in the next moment it turned into a balloon and almost hit Peter in the face as it slipped away. Remus had laughed and came to us.

"Nice work, mate." Praised him Sirius.

The next one was Potter. I didn't surprise when the boggart turned into a broom. A broken broom. Potter gave forth a horrified sound. He had cast the spell and the broom started to dance around the classroom. Everybody burst into laughter, even Lily and me.

As the people lessened in front of me I got to be more and more nervous. I knew my boggart. My mother as she leaves me. I had lived through it once, and I didn't want to see it again. I didn't cry for my mother in the former six years, and I didn't plan that I will ever again. She didn't deserve my tears. So when I was on the line I had stepped back and protested.

"I don't want to do it." I said.

Everybody laughed loudly and mocked, expect Sirius, Remus and Lily.

"Free country, free will. If you don't want to do it, you don't have to do it. And the other will respect your chose. Class is over, you are dismissed." The Professor sent off us.

At evening Potter came to me at the common room.

"What kind of Gryffindor are you, who are scarred by a boggart?" He insulted me.

"At least my deepest fear is not a broom. Do you want to talk about it Potter?"

"At least I undertook it."

"Such brave."

"Braver than you, who almost cried for her mother."

"Shut up, James." Not I was the one who said that. It was Sirius. I have never heard him talk with James in that way.

"I am just kidding, Sirius." Said Potter defensively.

"Well, I think it's not funny." With that Sirius left the room.

"What is his problem?" Asked Potter with a questioning look.

"You." I had answered and I went back to my dorm.

I couldn't have sleep on that night. At one o'clock I bored to lie, so I went back to the common room. I wasn't surprised when I saw Sirius. He was sitting before the fire. I sat next to him wordlessly. He didn't look at me.

"The boggart?" He asked.

"The boggart." I replied.

We were sitting in silence until dawn, and both of us knew what for the other think.

"It's almost Christmas." Declared Sirius, five days before the winter break in our third year.

"Don't you happy about it?" I inquired.

"I don't love Christmas particularly."

"Christmas is my favourite feast. Dad and I make cookies, decorate the Christmas tree and sing Christmas carols." I commented.

"What about the presents?"

"We don't give presents to each other." I said perplexedly.

"Don't you have money for it?" He asked without if and ands.

"No we haven't got too much money, but we are happy without it, thank you."

"It can be good, when money doesn't matter." His voice was bitter and aching. All my anger skipped off. I realised that he could love Christmas if it wasn't around the money in his family.

"We could make a Christmas party on Wednesday, if you have pleasure. What do you think?" I offered.

"What do we do?" I could see that he liked the idea.

"The usual. Make cookies, decorate the Christmas tree and sing Christmas carols." I smiled.

"We haven't got a kitchen, where we can cook, we haven't got a Christmas tree, what we can decorate, and I won't sing. Anyway, I am in." He grinned.

"Don't worry I will solve it. You just come to the transfiguration classroom at six o'clock. And DON'T take Potter with you." I warned.

"Don't worry, he will be in detention."

Our little Christmas party was successful. At least both of us felt good. I stole food from the kitchen (well, it wasn't a real stealing, because the house-elves were very handful, they gave more, than I had asked) and I unearthed a little tree from the edge of the Forbidden Forest. I gathered parchments, crops and stones and I induced Sirius to help me making ornaments.

"I am not to good in it." He complained.

"There, it is a very decorative snowman." I praised the artwork in his hand.

"It wanted to be an angel."

"Oh, well, a little fat, but cute."

"It isn't compare to an angel."

"I have never seen an angel before, so from me it could be an angel."

"Can't we use magic?" He begged.

"No. If we use, it will lost its magic." He looked disappointed. "Look, the look doesn't matter, no one will see it. We do it just for the sake of the pleasure." It was an unidentified notion for him. Despite of that he continued the making of the ornaments. After we used all of the stocks, we started to decorate the tree. Sirius desperately tried to rank the ornaments smoothly. I wasn't able to hold back my laughter.

„What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Decorating the tree?" He looked at me in an uncomprehending way.

"Okay, the point is not the perfection. Just put the ornaments on it, don't care about the shells."

"But then it won't be symmetrical." He demanded.

"Just do it as I said, otherwise you won't get your present." I threaten him.

"Did you buy me a present?" He was surprised.

"Well, not entirely."

"So I just put them without any order."

"Exactly." I nodded.

After we had finished the decorating of the tree, we got around to eat our dinner. It was our luck that the house elves had given me more food, than I asked, because we ate the all.

"And now?" Sirius had asked after we ate the dessert.

"Now the presents." I had taken out a little box out of my pocket and put it under the tree. Sirius did the same.

"Did you buy me present?" I surprised.

"I am a gentleman."

"Most of the time you keep well that secret." I laughed.

"Will we open them?"

"After the singing."

"I said I won't sing." He demanded.

"Then attend to me in silence." I had directed him and I started to sing.

"You have a terrible voice." Said Sirius, after I had finished the song.

"Thank you, gentleman." I grinned.

"Sorry, but if it is comforted you, I heard worst before."

"Potter?"

"Have do you know?"

"I heard him singing in your room. I had wanted to ask Remus' help to my Astronomy homework, but Potter's voice stopped me. It was terrible through the door, so I didn't dare open the door." I laughed at the memory.

"I know. It is like a cat is flayed. I always tell him to stay by the Quidditch."

"Good advice. Merry Christmas, Sirius!" I handled him the present.

"Merry Christmas, Mary!"

We opened the presents quickly. I got a golden colour necklace with a red medal, which shaped a lion.

"As I could know girls do like jewels." He explained himself.

"Yes, we do. Thank you, Sirius." With that I put on the necklace.

"I believed that you hate Astronomy." He said, while he examined his present, a band of knitted parchments. I had drawn him the story of the Sirius star.

"I don't hate it, I just bad in it. It's not the same." I explained.

"Then how do you know the story of Sirius?"

"Library, Sirius. You should visit this place sometimes."

"Are there comics?"

"You are hopeless." I laughed.

"Thank you, Mary. This is my best Christmas ever."

Sirius wasn't too happy when we had to go home to Christmas. I shared a compartment with Sirius, James, Remus and Peter on the train.

"I hope I will get the newest Nimbus for Christmas." Potter and his love for brooms. I could have sworn, if he ever would have a girlfriend, she will have to share her bed, not just with Potter, but with his broom too.

"I would like to get a broom, too." Peter's adoration to James, didn't know a limit.

"Just, don't want to join to the Quidditch Team?" Asked Potter.

"No. I just want to go to fly with you guys."

"Then use the school's brooms." I advised.

"These are ancient. I can't lift with them more than five meters." Complained Peter.

"Because you don't want, either!" Laughed James. Secretly I agreed with him. I used these brooms. Most of them were really old, but none of them were useless. "What about you, Sirius? What are you want for Christmas?" James turned to Sirius.

"Not going home." This was the first time, when Sirius said such a thing. None of us known what should we say. Expect Potter.

"Then, come to my house. My parents' wouldn't mind."

"Thanks James, but Christmas is a family fest." Answered Sirius.

"We are family, Sirius. You are my annoying brother."

"Thanks mate, but it's too late. My parents are waiting for me."

"Okay, then talk with them that you will spend the Christmas with me in next year."

I could see on Potter that he means it. Sirius smiled and nodded. When we had arrived to the station I could see my father from the train. Ha had saw me too and waved.

"Is he your dad?" Asked Sirius. I nodded.

"He seems nice."

"He is." I agreed.

After the train had stopped I quickly sad goodbye to the others and ran to my dad. He hugged me tightly.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, dad."

I could see as Sirius went to his parents with his brother, Regulus. Not a hug, not a kiss, not a kind world to him. His mother quickly stoked Regulus head, then grabbed his hand, but this was all. Parental love, I thought bitterly.

One afternoon Sirius came to me in the common room. He spiked me a very sudden and without any antecedent question.

"What do you say if I said we should going steady?"

"What?" I was astonished by the question.

"I asked..." He started to repeat.

"I heard you."

"So, what do you say?"

The definite answer would be a huge no. There wasn't any reason for us to be a pair. We weren't in love, we have never dated and we were just thirteen. In the other hand there wasn't any reason for us to don't be a pair. And I never was a logical person, but sometimes calculating, yes. And I have a good (truly two) good reason to say yes. The one of them was Violet Miller, one of my roommates. We hated each other from the first moment. To specify, she hated me from the first moment, and she had only reason for that: I was cove. She loved to talk about fashion, worldwide brands, and famous people. Things that I couldn't talk about, and when I didn't respond to her comments, she decided that I dislike her. And yeah, she heard a conversation between Remus and me, in which I caricatured her. I have never said that I couldn't have been envious. In response she declared that a cove, like me never will have a boyfriend, because there isn't anything womanly in me and my sleazy jeans. In her opinion boys love highbrow girls so that has she a boyfriend. I could consort with the highbrow part, but we didn't mean the same under that word. And on that moment the richest guy of the school asked me to be his boyfriend. It was alluring.

And the other reason of course was James Potter. I had controversial feelings in this question. In the one hand I was sick about the thought that I should spend more time with him. However, in the other hand I wanted to see his face when he hears the news. Just the thought made me smile. Maybe, maybe, I could say the right answer, but in the moment of the answer I spied my two worst enemy's face, and the devil won over me.

"Yes, Sirius. I would like to be your girlfriend." I said loud enough to the two addressees could hear me.

"Okay. We discussed it." He had said, and goes back to his homework.

I watched the faces of James and Violet, and I was so pleased, like never before. I didn't care about Sirius motivations, I didn't care anything. On that moment I just cared with one thing, my victory over James and Violet. Yeah, I know I was petty, but I was just a child, who didn't know anything about the life. But the Fate never leaves a bill unmatched. Oh no, our debts must be paid, and I had to learn to grow up soon.


	4. Chapter 4

Something common

I joined to the quidditch team in fourth year. It was an accident, I didn't want to be a quidditch player, but I wanted to knock off James Potter. Professor McGonagall saw my stunt, as I hit James with an apple, what was hit by a book. I hit his back from ten meters. Professor McGonagall made an offer to me that I can get away the punishment if I join to the team. I had looked at Potter, and refused her offer. Then she said I can begin clean the toilets without magic. I wasn't scared. After that McGonagall said I have to apologise to Potter. So in that way I turned into a beater.

Professor McGonagall regretted her decision before our first match. It was Monday afternoon when I flounced into her room. I was blind with my anger, so I didn't waste my time with knocking.

"Miss Macdonald? What are you suppose about yourself?" McGonagall was indignant, and she had a good reason it, but in that moment I didn't care with her indignation.

„You have to remove Potter from the team." I demanded.

"First of all I suggest you try it over." She pointed to the door. I snorted in frustration, but follow her instruction, and left the room. In front of the door I breathed and tried to calm down myself, then I knocked on the door.

"Excuse me, Professor. May I come in?" I asked in a polite way.

"You may, Miss Macdonald? How can I help you?" Her face was so self-sufficient.

"You should consider the removal of Potter from the team, Professor."

"And why I should remove my best chaser?" She was really questioning.

I could have responded for that question at least a hundred ways, but I didn't want to put her into a passion.

"Incompatibility." I answered with that single world.

"Could you develop it?"

I had swallowed before I started my report. "He hinted strewed Wartcap powder to my face and he said to our teammates that I can't play on the next match, and probably none of our matches, because I have Dragon pox."

"I understand and Mr. Potter will get his punishment. And I am sorry, but I won't take Mr. Potter out the team because of a childish jest."

"Logan" Our captain. "already found a new beater, because he had believed to Potter." I continued the squawk.

McGonagall sighed and with a resigned expression on her face she waved her hand to me. We went back to the Gryffindor Tower, and he called Potter.

"Mr. Potter, did you say to your teammates that Miss Macdonald won't be able to play on the next Quidditch match?"

"I knew that Mary has Dragon pox." He didn't dare lie to a teacher, but he always played the innocent. And he played so good. Fortunately, McGonagall knew him very well.

"And of course you have no idea who peddled that gossip?" Inquired McGonagall.

"No, Professor. I heard it from Peter. He was in the infirmary when Madam Pomfrey managed Mary. Surely, he misread the situation." That innocent face, I could hit him.

Peter raised his head and looked at James with a confused look. I was sure that they didn't agree in advance. And Peter didn't want the type who carries the hoopla.

"But James, I heard from you." He simmered loudly. "I wasn't in the infirmary in this year."

From Potter's look I could determine that he will be soon, if he won't be able to shut up. Peter understood it and his face went red.

"I don't care whereof you heard the gossip. I just want to tell you that Miss Macdonald is perfectly healthy and she will play on the next match."

"And what about me?" Asked a third-year boy. He was selected in my stead.

"I am sorry Mr. Hanson, but every position is full. Try again in next year." With that McGonagall started to walk towards the door. I could see Potter's self-sufficient face.

"And what about his detention?" My voice was pretentious.

Before McGonagall could have opened her mouth, Potter answered.

"Why should I get detention?"

"For what you did with my face."

"I did nothing. Talk that with you parents."

"And you talk that with my fist." I shouted, but before I could have hit his face, McGonagall intervened.

"Enough. I draw the line at muggle brawl. Twenty points of both of you, and I will wait you at the Quidditch pitch at Saturday morning."

"It's Hogsmeade day." Potter couldn't bear the idea that his friends spend the day without him.

"No, Potter. It's the day of teambuilding."

* * *

I couldn't have gotten worse detention. I was sure that Potter felt the same way. We had to spend our whole day with each others, while the others were in Hogsmeade. I admired McGonagall commitment towards the Quidditch. It was her day off too. So it was Madam Hooch's too. She was there too, but she made it clear that we stool her day off, and we have to pay for it. It was the hardest training in my life. We were on the pitch from eight to six, and we held only one pause. For the end of the day I was covered by bruises everywhere. Neither, Potter was in a better shape. We barely could drag ourselves to the castle. McGonagall seemed pleased, but just for that because she couldn't see my thoughts. I hated Potter more than ever, and from the expression on his face he rendered my feelings.

"How was the training?" Asked Sirius, when we got back to the common room.

Neither of us answered, we looked each other with hatred in our eyes, than continued our ways to our dorms.

"Well at least they didn't blame each other." Determined Remus.

He was wrong. I absolutely blamed Potter, I was just too tried to open my mouth. Lily asked the same question as Sirius, but I didn't respond, just had fallen down to my bed, and went to sleep immediately. With my last thought I cursed Potter.

* * *

"They seem really intended." Determined Lily as she glanced towards the Slytherin Quidditch Team, the morning of the Gryffindor-Slytherin match.

"James and Sirius made personal for them." Said Remus.

"The pink-hair incident. It was you." I turned to Sirius.

"Tell it that pink didn't fit to them." Bantered Potter.

"I hope the purple suits you, because they will pay off." I warned him.

"It's your job to cover me."

"And other four people, whom I like more than you."

"I can see the teambuilding was useful." Ironized Sirius.

Logan had waved his hand towards the team and we followed him. He wasn't the man of the words, so we didn't have to hear a rousing speech out. We quickly changed and were waiting to the start of the game. Before we had stepped out to the pitch, Logan turned towards us.

"Don't forget, we are a team." He sent a meaningful glance towards Potter and me. We looked each other and silently agreed to lay aside our antipathy for the period of the game. We didn't want a late teambuilding with McGonagall.

Logan and the Slytherin's captain shook hands, before Madame Hooch gave sign to the take off. Susie, the other beater, and I had clashed our clubs and the game started.

I was right when I said Slytherin's want pay off. They constantly attacked our players, mostly Potter. I was relieved that Sirius was in a defended position, and I felt sorry that I wasn't. Obviously the Slytherin's took for granted that I was in the prank too, just because I was his girlfriend. This was one of those moments when I wanted to break up with him. Or rather I wanted him to break up with Potter.

After ten minutes we led 20-0, and all of our players were uninjured. When I sent a Bludger towards a Slytherin chaser, I heard a painful cry. It was Susie. She was in her broom, but she pressed her right arm to her chest. Obviously it was broken. Susie left the pitch and I left alone. It was impossible. I had to attack the Slytherins and defended the Gryffindors in the same time. I tried my best, but I couldn't be two places all at once. The chasers had to observe to the Bludgers and the Quaffle, which made their job more difficult. After ten minutes the Slytherins equalized. I prayed to Donovan to find the Snitch.

The Slytherin's beaters clamped, they played up their gain. I could see one of the bludgers made its way towards Potter. I flow as fast as I can to get it in time. I caught it in the last moment and I released a triumphant cry. I couldn't celebrate too long, because the next moment I heard my name.

"MAC!" It was a warning. I raised my club ready to the attack, but it was too late. A bludger hit my broom and brook it in two. My broom turned of hand. I knew that I will fall down (and probably crash myself), but there was nothing that I could do. I clung to my broom, and hoped it maybe slack up the downfall. Before I could touch the ground a hand grabbed the back of my clothes and put to the ground carefully.

"Are you okay?" Asked my rescuer. He was the last one for who I counted on.

My answer was sucked by the exultation of the crowd.

"Donovan catches the Snitches. Gryffindor wins."

We burst into laughter, then suddenly the crowd's whoops of joy turned into the scream of panic. We had looked around and saw a figure falling towards the ground. We cried his name in union.

"Sirius." Of course our voice didn't stop the falling. Nothing stopped the falling. The teammates were gathering around him, and Potter and I started to run towards them.

"What the hell happened?" Shouted Potter in his run.

I was thinking about the same. I hardly could imagine that Sirius just fell down of his broom spontaneously.

"The Slytherin beaters sent the Bludgers towards him." Explained Logan. He hadn't got a chance. Anger burnt up in me and made me blind. I turned towards the Slytherins and searched the beaters with my eyes. They stood in the middle of the group and laughed. All I wanted was to remove their smile. And I had appliance to do that. At least with one of them. I had raised my club, which was in my hand still and threw towards the bigger one. It hit him exactly the middle of his face. I could see as he fell to the ground with bleeding nose. Nobody saw my action, but I was sure that they know who did this. On that moment I didn't care with it. I was filled with the revenge. Potter's voice dragged me back to the reality.

"Sirius, please open your eyes." He pleaded. He kneeled next to Sirius, but he didn't dare touch him. I didn't wonder on it as I looked at Sirius. He was in a terrible shape. His limbs untwisted in an awful way, under his head a blood pool started to form, but they weren't the scariest injuries. Blood poured out of his mouth. From that I almost lost my consciousness.

"Is he breathing?" I asked, because I couldn't see raise his chest.

Potter leant on his mouth, and tried to hear his breathing. This was the longest moment of my life.

"Yes, he is." Sight Potter relieved.

"Out of the way." The teachers at last got there. McGonagall didn't waste the time, she had spelled a stretcher and waved Sirius onto it. She oversaw the stretcher towards the castle in front of her. We just stood there frozen.

"Everybody go back to their common room." Commanded the Headmaster. Everybody started to walk toward the castle. Potter and I stayed at our place. Remus and Peter joined us a few moments later.

"How is he?" Asked Remus with despair in his eyes.

"Alive." This was the best we could say.

"It was terrible as the bludgers hit him. The two, one after the other. And then the diving. He dove at least thirteen meters. Fortunately, he fell to sand." For Peter fortune Remus stopped his tirade, so I didn't have to make him shut up.

"We should go to the infirmary." Suggested Remus.

We nodded in agreement and followed Remus towards the castle. Potter was silent all of the way, he seemed distant. I was sure he was with Sirius in spirit.

"James, the infirmary has in this way." Halted me Remus' voice.

Potter turned left, in place of right, one of the corners.

"I had to wash my hands." He rose up his bloody hands. His voice was empty, but his eyes were filled with emotions. Anger, care, worry, fear. If we had a better relationship I would hug him, but I was sure that he repel the gesture.

"James." Tried Remus.

"Just a moment." With that he went in to the bathroom. We waited for him in silence, none of us rushed him. After a quarter he had came back to us and we continued our way towards the infirmary. I looked at his face and I was sure he had cried. In that moment I can't hate James Potter, because the arrogant, egoistic asshole was nowhere. He was just a boy who worried for his friend, and it's made him scared. I would like to solace him, tell him that everything will be okay, but it would have been a lie. I wasn't sure it will be okay. Sirius' injuries were really serious, his lungs were injured and it's scarred me to death.

When we got the infirmary we tried to open the door, but it was locked. Madam Pomfrey still worked on Sirius.

"She never closes the door." Said Peter.

"Well, now she did." Potter's voice was filled with frustration.

"Try to calm down James. You can't help Sirius with this behaviour." Remus tried to bring some common sense into the conversation.

"Yes Remus, you are right. I can't help him. I couldn't help him. I left him fall down, and then I left him alone. I can help him, because I can be with him." I have never seen Potter so helpless.

"You are here James. There isn't anything else we can do." Remus comforted him.

"But..." He started to protest.

"Remus has right." I interrupted. "We have to leave Madam Pomfrey to do her job smoothly. She is the best. She cured me from the Dragon pox less than under two days." I tried to joke.

Potter smiled at me weakly, and then the infirmary's door opened.

"How is he?" We jumped up.

"He will be alright. His injuries were severe, but I managed to stabilize him." She smiled us. "May we visit him?" James asked.

"One of you can come in, but just for ten minutes. He has to relax."

We looked at each other. Who will be the one who get these ten minutes?

"Go." Potter said to me.

"What?"

"It's cooler if you wake up to your girlfriend's face." I could see how big sacrifice this for him.

"We could split the time." I offered.

"Really?" He was definitely surprised.

"Yes. I know five minutes are not much, but I don't think he is in a chatty mood."

"Deal. I will be the first." With that Potter rushed into the infirmary.

I was sure that I have to give up my time, but after five minutes Potter came back.

"Your turn." He said with a wide smile.

"Said him to get well." Remus had shouted, before I entered to the infirmary.

Not Sirius was the only patient. The Slytherin beater was cured by Madam Pomfrey. I felt content. I walked to Sirius, who was in a much better shape. He was pale and delirious, but his limbs were in the right place. It was reassuring.

"Hey. How do you feel?" I inquired.

"It is feels like a Hippogriff herd trailed over me." His voice was merely whisper.

"Conceit." I praised. "Remus and Peter wish you get well. They wanted to come in, but Madam Pomfrey gave us only ten minutes."

"Yeah, James said. It's unbelievable that you two could make an agreement."

"We can be civilized."

"Yeah, if you are separated." He smiled. "Are you alright?"

I couldn't define the question right. Then it dove that not Sirius was the only one, who fall thirteen meters. He was just the only one who hit the ground.

"Miss Macdonald, your time is over. Mr. Black has to relax."

"I am okay. I will see you tomorrow." I said goodbye. I never dared string the matron.

I made my way back to the Gryffindor tower. I found Potter in front of the fire in the common room. Peter and Remus were with him. I went to them and stood in front of Potter.

"Thank you." I said. This was the least, after he saved my life.

"No problem." He answered. "You paid back."

"I thought my life is more precious." I joked.

"Maybe for someone else." He grinned.

I had made my way back to my room, but before I could reach the stairs Potter's voice stopped me.

"Thank you, too." I turned my head towards him. For a long moment we just stared at each other. Understatement moved in our eyes. I nodded, and continued my way. I grinned for the thought that it cleared there is something common in us, after three years. Better later than never.


	5. Chapter 5

For the love of a friend

It was late October in 1975, our OWLs' year. In that time I had to ask Remus' help to my astronomy homework constantly, because I was failing. So on that afternoon, before Transfiguration class, I went to the boy's dormitory. I should have known if I go to the boy's dormitory, it never ends in a good way. But I was in need, so I brushed aside my premonition. I had knocked on the door and waited for the answer. Instead of a loud "come in", I heard vexed whispers.

"Don't dare to open it." It was Potter.

"Who is it?" Sirius inquired.

"It's Mary. Is Remus here?"

"No, so you can go away." Potter and his kindness.

"Don't be childish James! Maybe she can help."

"No way! She can't know." Potter insisted.

"You know guys, you are a little bit loud out there." I attracted their attention that I stand in front of the door and I can hear everything.

"Come in, Mary." Sirius didn't wait for James' assent, just had unlocked the door and opened it to me.

I went in the room, despite of my common sense. I couldn't see Potter anywhere.

"Where is Potter?" I looked questioningly at Sirius.

"Behind the bed." He sighed.

"Is he hiding from me?" I laughed.

"Well, he is hiding from everybody."

"You know that we have class with McGonagall within an hour, right?"

"Oh, really? You are such a help." Potter said.

"I can't help if I don't know what the problem is." I snapped.

"Who said that there is a problem?"

"Enough. We haven't got time for that." Sirius stopped the debate. "James, we tried everything, but they didn't work. We need her."

"I don't need her. I never need her."

"Okay than, I assume you have a believable explanation to McGonagall, and the rest of the school, because you can't hide it." Sirius tried to convince James.

I felt I don't want to know it. I had enough problems with my study; I didn't want to get trouble, because of their stupidity. But before I could leave, Potter came forward, and from what I saw I forgot my aim and almost my name too.

"Are those...prongs?" I asked in shock. On the top of his head were prongs. Real prongs of a stag.

Sirius nodded.

"Why has he prongs?" I asked in a high voice.

"Do you remember what I said about Remus?" Asked Sirius.

"And now you want to say that Potter is a pan?"

"Did you talk to her about Remus?" Potter was indignant.

"Easy Bambi. She can keep secrets." Sirius defended me. "So, do you remember that?" He turned to me again.

I nodded. It's hard to forget when it was unrevealed that one of your classmates is a werewolf. I always suspected that Remus made a cache of something. His lame excuses about her sick mother and his sickly outlook after full moon. Despite of the obvious signs, I thought that he is just somnambulist. Once I asked Sirius about Remus' strange behaviour, in the faith that if he has a problem maybe I can help him. When Sirius told me that he is a werewolf, by then I suspected it in the depth of my soul. But there is a different to suspect or to know. I am ashamed of that first I was scared. I couldn't imagine that a beast live in him. He was the kindest and sympathetic person, I have ever known. Despite of that I would prefer ran to Dumbledore and claimed Remus' removal. I was worried and terrified. Three students shared a room with a werewolf. I lived in one cap with a werewolf. Sirius could see my fear and he calmed me down. He explained he is the same Remus, whom I know, he has just got a fury little problem. He said that it never was a problem under his transformation; I didn't know that there is a werewolf in the school. He was right. If he didn't tell me, maybe I would never know it. He sworn me that I won't tell anyone. I swore, but the next few weeks I always observed Remus like he could transform a beast anytime and could bite off my head. I looked for changes, but I couldn't find any difference. He was the same shy, kind, polite boy that I knew for four years. One afternoon I broke my hand on quidditch practice, so I had to go to the infirmary. Remus was there. He laid on a bed and slept. He was pale and defenceless, his hands were covered by scars. From that moment I couldn't fear of him. I cursed the fate because did that with such a great person. Because it was he, it is he. Not the werewolf. I didn't tell anyone, and I was sure that Remus didn't know that I know. It was something that was just theirs, and I didn't have a place in their little secret circle. I knew that if they would know that Sirius told me, it could be betrayal in their eyes. And I was right.

"You shouldn't have told her. This isn't your secret. This is Remus'." Potter protested.

"I didn't tell anyone and I never will." I assured him. "And Sirius didn't tell me. I was the one who asked." It was just a half lie.

"Why should I trust in you?" Potter asked.

"Because" Started Sirius "you trust in me, and I trust in her. I know that you two have problems with each other." It wasn't true. We didn't have a problem. We just couldn't bear each other, without any real reason. "But this is not about you, it's about Remus." He sent a meaningful glance towards Potter.

"How his prongs connected to Remus?" I inquired.

"We would like to help him. Peter, James and me." Sirius looked cautiously to James, but when he didn't show any sign of protest, he continued. "His transformations are very painful. He always hurt himself badly. He is closed because of safety, but it's make the werewolf crazy. It wants to be free and he has a hunger for blood. It wants to hunt, to hurt, because of the solitude. We read lots of book about werewolves, and all of it says that the company of animals can tame the werewolf. Their company gentle it and didn't allow hurting himself." In that point I knew what Sirius wanted to say, and I wished I would be wrong. "So we decided to learn animagi. We started it in third year, and now we are very close to complete it. Most of the times we can fully transform and back, but accidents happen sometimes." He shrugged his shoulders and nodded towards James.

I couldn't call it just an accident, when somebody has prongs.

"You are insane." I found my voice. "It's not helping to Remus, just makes his transformations more dangerous. You can't be with him in those times."

"We can, and we will." Why couldn't they be less loyal?

"The only help you can give him with that, it is dinner. I don't know what werewolves eat, but simple wolfs eat deer. And I am sure that those aren't horns of a bull."

"We have to vanish those prongs before the class." Pleaded Sirius.

"Do you hear what I say? It is dangerous. Extremely dangerous. I could wish bon appetite to Remus for Potter, but I don't want him to eat you. Or Peter. I assume that I am not wrong, when I think he is in it too."

"First, thank you for your worry, Mac. Second, deer are stronger animals, than you think. I can show you, if you can't believe it. Third, werewolves don't eat deer. They don't eat any animal. They just dangerous for people." I wasn't provided.

"Please, help to vanish those. We tried every spells we know."

"It can't be vanished by spells. He transformed himself, not a spell caused it." I explained the obvious. "You have to go to Madam Pomfrey. She is the one who can help."

"It will fade out by time, but we haven't got time to wait it."

"How do you know that it will fade?" I asked.

Potter burst out in laughter, and Sirius' face went to red with shame.

"Did it happen with you?" I required.

"Once. It wasn't a big deal."

"It wasn't? You had tail for three days." Potter hunched with laughter. He couldn't exult too long, because his prongs fouled in the curtain of the bed. Sirius was the one who laughed in that time.

"James Potter horned a curtain. Bloody heroic." He laughed more and more as he watched Potter as he tried to free his prongs. I laughed too.

"I appreciate your sense of humour, but if you finished the laughter, help me." I almost felt pity for Potter. Just almost.

Sirius stood up and went to save Potter. With a twitch, he got free James and tore down the curtain. Potter fell on the bed, and the curtain fell to Sirius.

"Sirius Black died by a curtain. Bloody heroic." Again Potter was the one who laughed.

I picked off the curtain from Sirius. I began to bore their childish behaviour.

"Could you be act like an adult? We have a problem."

"I know that I can reckon on you." Sirius shouted.

"I have an idea. We cannot vanish the prongs, but we can hide them."

"How?"

"We have to make them invisible."

"But we can't without make James invisible too."

"We can't do it with magic, but we can without it."

"You are a genius." Barked Sirius and ran to Potter's trunk. Poor James looked confused. "I got it." With that he picked up Potter's invisibility cloak.

"You told her that too." Simmered Potter.

"And this is your luck." I didn't want another debate. "We just have to ball it around the prongs. No one will see it."

"And what if the cloak will fall?" Demurred James.

"It won't. I have fantastic handicraft." I soothed him.

"Oh, at last I understand why Sirius is with you."

In response Sirius threw a pillow in his face, and I pressed the cloak on his head a little more strength than it was necessary.

"One more word and I will provide for everybody see your prongs." I threaten him.

There were no more words between us on that day. Our plan worked, his prongs stayed in secret for two more weeks. It was time to show it to Remus.

* * *

I hurried up to the Gryffindor tower to find James and Sirius. Loganwas incredibly angry, and I had to understand him. It is difficult to hold training without your keeper and one of your chasers. Naturally, he asked me about their whereabouts, like I should have known. When I answered that Sirius is my boyfriend not my Siamese twin, he gave me ten minutes to find them, before he put out us from the team. The quidditch team was the only thing with I could avoid the fail of Astronomy. In that way I always had an excuse why I couldn't concentrate on the classes, why I gave my homework with late. I am sure that Professor Sinister had know that I was the worst student ever in Astronomy in the history of Hogwarts, but she pardoned, because I was one of the best quidditch player and I lied to her that I want to be a professional quidditch player, so I won't anything to do with astronomy, but I need for the OWL. I really needed the OWL. I didn't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I wanted as many chances give me as many are possible, and more OWLs mean more chances.

It never happened before that they missed a practice, so I was sure that there is something wrong. First, I ran to the infirmary, known Potter, he just would miss a training, if he would on his death bed. The infirmary was empty, and Madam Pomfrey didn't see James or Sirius, but she just released Remus a few minutes earlier. I decided that I find him in the hope that he will know where the boys are.

He wasn't in the common room, so I made my way to his dormitory. I didn't waste my time with knocking, just rushed into the room, and from what I saw I frozen. It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Remus stood in the middle of the room with a dog and a stag. My face fallen, and I needed some time, while I put the story together. Remus looked at me with scare on his face. I could see that he tried to make up a believable story. He wasn't in an easy situation. Honestly, he was in an impossible situation. What could he tell, that a stag flew in the back of a dog to the room through the window? So I made it easy for him.

"Potter is almost loveable as a stag." The stag sent a furious glance towards me, but the dog ran to me and licked my face.

"This is disgusting, Sirius." I laughed, then I looked at Remus. "I hope you don't mind. I know that was your secret, but you can trust me. I won't tell to anyone."

Remus nodded. "It is so unbelievable. I mean never have… and now… you know." His sentences fell into pieces. Remus was left by the words.

"I know." I said. "I think I know." I corrected. I never was in Remus shoes so I only could guess.

"I never thought I will have friends and now. This is the best thing what ever happened with me. I have the best friends in the world." He gestured towards the animals.

"And what about Peter? What kind of animal can he transform to?" I asked. I was sure, if Remus would tell another world I will burst in tears.

Suddenly I felt that something ran up on my legs, then slipped into my hip-pocket. The dog snarled, whereof the rat wriggled out of my packet and sat on my shoulder.

"Peter?" I asked from the rat. It nodded.

"It's creepy." I said. Remus nodded in agreement. "Will it help you?" I asked him.

"It will make those nights easier." He said as he put Peter on his shoulder. "Anyway, what are you doing here? Do you want my help to your astronomy homework?" He asked helpfully.

"Oh, shit!" I entirely forgot about my purpose. "I mean no, thanks. It's Wednesday, quidditch practice." I have never seen a desperate stag jumping through beds, but it was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.

I nodded towards Remus and started to run to the pitch. As I looked back at him, I thought that if somebody deserves such care, that it is Remus. He had nothing beside his friends, but as he looked at me I knew he had everything.


	6. Chapter 6

The darkness in their hearts

"I haven't got an appropriate clothe to wear!" I was in a tantrum to my father. I was nervous because of the meeting with Sirius' parents. He invited me to his house in the last weeks of the summer holiday. I felt that not he wanted to meet his parents, but his parents wanted get to know me.

"What's the problem with the one that you wearing?" My father pointed to my flowery dress.

"Not elegant enough."

"You go to your boyfriend's house, not to the opera-house." He laughed on me. I couldn't appreciate his sense of humour on that moment.

"Sirius' parents are one of the most riches and powerful family in the wizarding world. I don't think they could appreciate a girl, who garbs herself from rummage sales." I could see the pain on my dad's face, and I was ashamed.

"I didn't mean it. I like my clothes, I am just nervous. I am sorry." I apologized of him.

"It's okay, but believe me they won't judge you by your clothes."

"I hope. I just can't understand why they want to get to know me now." I shared my doubts with my dad.

"You are his son's girlfriend. It's empathic that they want to meet with you. I wanted to know Sirius too."

"Yeah, you met with Sirius two years ago, but now we are together since almost three years. Why now?"

"Because it seems that you two really mean it. Honestly, I thought that you were break up after a few months, but you are still together, and it is scarring."

"What are you afraid of? That after we turn to seventeen, we will run to a church and get married?" Now I was the one who laughed.

"Don't say that you never thought about marriage."

"I did, but this is the very distant future. First I want to graduate in the school, and yet I have two more years. After graduation I want to find a job, hire a flat, and try to living alone. So you don't have to worry about it." I soothed my father. I didn't feel the need to tell him Sirius' opinion about marriage.

"I am so proud of you." He smiled at me, I shook my head laughing. The door bell ringed.

"It will be Sirius." I ran to open the door. I was right. Sirius stood on our doorstep with a black eye.

"What happened with your eye?" I asked after I greeted him.

"I tried to play baseball with my brother. Stupid muggle sports." He explained. "Hello, Mr. Martin." My dad offered Sirius to first-name him, but Sirius never could call him simply Martin.

"Hello, Sirius. How are you? Apart from your black eye." Inquired my father.

"Fine thanks. Did a bomb busted here?" He looked around my thrown about clothes.

"Mary didn't know decide, which dress should she wears." Both of them laughed.

"Thank you for your understanding." I snapped.

"You will meet with my parents, not the Minister for Magic." I had to think that men are all the same. "Did you practice the poker face?" Sirius suggested that if I learn the poker face I will be able to impress his parents.

"I did. Look." I tried to look with pudding-face. Sirius and my dad burst into laugh.

"It's like Snow White pleading to the Huntsman to don't tear up her heart."

"I would rather face with the Huntsman." I tiffed.

"More optimism, Mary. We talk with them a little, eat the dinner, than I show you my room."

"If it's a little similar to your dorm, I don't want to see it." His room in Hogwarts was a tip. Books, clothes and sometime even orts are all over the room. They didn't know the notion of trim. Well, maybe Remus, but he gave up after the first year; it would be a tilt at windmills.

"We have a house-elf, so don't worry. It is tiresome, but it is really good at cleaning. Can we go?"

"I want my daughter at home at eleven o'clock." My dad warned Sirius.

"I will see her home. Good night, Mr. Martin." Said goodbye Sirius.

"Have fun, kids." I took a deep breath and smiled to my father as goodbye.

We needed half an hour to reach Sirius' house. Sirius tried to calm me down on our way. He said several times how pretty I am. I heard that sentence on that night more than the passed three years together.

"We are here." He stopped by 12 Grimmauld Place. The outside of the house was as the other house on the street, but till the other houses were divided into flats, I was sure this house only the Black Family's.

"Is this your house? This is huge." I was dumbfounded.

"I wonder what will you say, when you will spy its inside." With that Sirius shepherded me on the stairs and opened the entrance for me. I didn't have time to wonders, because as I stepped in a house-elf asked for my bag and coat.

"May I ask your coat and reticule, Miss?" It asked with a crouch.

"Yes, of course. Thank you." I stammered. I had no idea how have to handle a house-elf.

"Please, take a seat Miss. I notify my Mistress and Master that you arrived." It went out the room with a crouch.

"It is so weird." I told to Sirius, while we sat down to the couch. He just smiled at me.

"Son, so you arrived. Your brother will be here in a moment. I sent Kreacher for him. Could you introduce your friend, please?" The whole was so ceremonial.

"Mother, she is my girlfriend Mary MacDonald. Mary they are my parents Walburga and Orion Black." They shook head with me. His father smiled at me a little, but his mother face was expressionless. I was sure that she was a beautiful woman in her days. Not that she would be so old when I met with her. Her face was harsh and bitter, and this made her tractions unattractive. In contrast with his wife, Orion Black was very attractive. He was handsome and tall. Sirius was so similar to him. He inherited his father night black hair, stormy gray eyes and pale skin. Whereupon we finished the introduction, Sirius' brother joined to us.

"He is my brother Regulus." Sirius introduced me. "Reg, do you remember Mary?"

"I can't forgive the moment when you smashed Avery's nose." It wasn't a compliment, but a warning to his parents, what kind of girl I am. I could see the disgust on Walburga's face, but after a moment it faded away.

"It's better if you pull up your socks, little bro. If you will a member of the quidditch team, you will have to avoid her hits." Sirius seemed proud of me.

"What kind of position wants you to apply for?" I inquired politely.

"Seeker."

"That's too bad! You could be a fantastic beater." I joked.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because of your brother eye." Regulus stared at me in an uncomprehending way. Sirius sent a heartening glance to him. "I said her that we tried to play baseball."

"Oh, that. Obviously I could be an awful beater. I aimed at his stomach." He said as he sent a meaningful glance towards his brother. Uncomfortable silence slopped amongst us.

"Do you want to drink something, Miss Macdonald?" Asked me Sirius' father broken the silence.

"A glass of water, please."

"Kreacher, bring some tonics." He put up to Kreacher. "So, you are one of Sirius' classmates." He turned to me again. I nodded.

"A Gryffindor, eh?" Asked Walburga. "So you are brave and adventurous."

"The most adventurous thing in my life was a bus trip to Oxford." I answered.

"Did you spend a lot of time there?"

"Just one day. My father took me on my tenth birthday. I always wanted to attend to the University of Oxford, because my father attended there too. This was his gift, he showed me the university and we even participated in a class." I explained.

"You never said that before." Sirius looks at me.

"Well, Hogwarts overwrote the planes. All is left about Oxford is a dingy shirt."

"I assume that your father is a muggle." Walburga Black held on her poker face. I nodded frigidly. "And what about your mother? Was she attended to Oxford too?"

"Mother, please." Sirius tried to warn his mother that she tripped in moorland.

"I just topped off a simple question."

"She was a witch." I knew exactly what she wanted to know. "She was a Gryffindor."

"I am sympathizing."

"Excuse me?" I couldn't construe her words.

"You said she was."

"Oh, thank you." I didn't bother to enlighten her that my mother was dead just for me.

"It could be difficult to live with a muggle." Joined Regulus to the conversation.

"I live with my father, not some random muggle, so it's easy enough for me."

"But leave without magic every day." I thawed towards him. He was laid by unbelief, not by viciousness like his mother.

"Mistress, the dinner is ready." Appeared Kreacher with a crouch, and I almost hugged him in my unburdening. When I thought that the awkward part of the evening ended, I erred.

During dinner Orion tried to supervise the conversation. He talked about his Hogwart's years, his job in the Ministry, asked me about my favourite subjects and my plans for the future. It was a very pleasant conversation. After Kreacher served the main course, I had to ask Sirius what kind of meat is, because I never ate it before.

He chuckled. "It's venison." I chuckled too. "Don't tell to James."

"I can see you two have a good time." It didn't escape my observation, that the bottle of wine, what we opened for the dinner, was wasted by Walburga. Orion drank firewhiskey, Regulus and I didn't drink a sip alcohol, Sirius drank a half glass of the wine, and for the dessert the bottle was empty. "I thought that I taught you that isn't done to whispering in tribe."

"Excuse me, Mother." Said Sirius with turned-down head.

"Don't you want to share with us what was so important, which couldn't wait until the end of the dinner?"

"Sirius, please bring the dessert. It is too high to Kreacher." Orion obviously wanted to avert the attention from the interlude. Sirius had nodded and stood up.

"You don't go anywhere. I asked you something. Answer it!" Walburga didn't release his son.

"In that case mother, no, I don't want to share with you." With that Sirius left the kitchen. Walburga made a movement towards her belt, but his husband took her hand. He tried to mask as a marital gesture, but I could see that his whole arm strained. What was more worrisome, I saw earlier that Walburga carry her wand on her belt.

"Master Orion!" Appeared Kreacher in the door. "Abraxas Malfoy wants to talk with Master Orion."

Orion Black excused himself and left the kitchen. He almost upset Sirius, who returned back with the dessert.

"Where is father going?" He asked as he put the cake to the table.

"Abraxas Malfoy is in the fire." The answer came from Regulus. It seemed that Walburga forgot that she was angry with his eldest son, because she stared after her husband with compressed lips. As abrupt as Orion disappeared as abrupt he came back.

"Excuse me, but I have to leave the company. It's important ministry's affair." He declared.

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" Asked Walburga with anger in his voice. I assumed that Orion Black often has ministry's affairs.

"Unfortunately it can't. Nice to meet you, Miss Macdonald." With that he left the dining room. I started to understand why Sirius doesn't believe in marriage.

"Who desire for dessert?" Sirius asked insouciantly.

Walburga sent a disgusted glance towards her son, and decided that her dessert will be a bottle of cherry. I offered my plate, and tried to act as would never have happened anything. We finished our dinner without a word. It was the most embarrassing ten minutes in my life. After dinner we went to the salon for a cafe. The elegant, green velvet sofas were incredibly inconvenient, but I tried to stay still. I could see how easy make Walburga Black angry. My eyes stuck on the tapestry, whereat I could see a family tree. "_Toujours pur_" sounded the title, but I had no idea of the meaning of it.

"The Black family tree. We could trace back our family for seven centuries. The members of our family were always the most powerful and most influential witches and wizards on their times. But what is the most important, our blood always were pure."

"I don't think that blood is so important." I was shocked, but I minded that my voice stay respectful.

"Blood made us strong and respectful; in that way could we get the respect that we deserved. But nowadays pureblood means nothing, when every carpet-bagger wizards can fill important position, which was rightfully the pure-blooded ones. "

"Mother, please don't try press on your theories to Mary."

"These are not my theories, but ancient rights. A half-blooded or muggleborned wizard or witch couldn't be a part of the control of wizarding world. The pure-blooded leading our society, legislated the laws, with that one simple reason, that nobody can't know the wizarding world, as much as who living in it during centuries. Pure-blooded families gave their knowledge and the control to the next generation and in that way the tradition could survive. Then Godric Gryffindor came and brought ruin for everything. He let in the mongrels to Hogwarts, and gave them power. He brought declension to the whole wizarding world." Regulus listened her with fear and amazement. He was enthralled the possibility of power and respect. In school he wasn't so popular as his brother, I was sure that he wanted to join to the quidditch team to extend his reputation. I could see in his eyes, how much he desired for regard.

"We are so sorry that." Said Sirius in an ironic way.

"You don't have to worry." Walburga drank enough to can't notice his son's disrespect. "Everything will be the same as the ancient times. Our salvation came. Lord Voldemort will fix the mistakes of Gryffindor and he will be back their rights to the pure-blood families." She clicked her tongue contentedly.

"Lord Voldemort?" I asked as I leant forward in my chair.

"Didn't you hear about him?" Of course I heard about him and his theory, but it seemed something distant for me. Honestly, I couldn't believe that there are people who believe in his ideas. And suddenly I sat in the same room with one of his followers. And this follower was my boyfriend's mother. "He dares to give forth his voice and sticks up to the Mugglelovers. He will save our world and society." I could see the frantic glow in her eyes, and it made me scary. She noticed my fright. "Don't worry dear; you and your kind are not in danger, as far as you know your place. Anyway, a true Gryffindor don't fear anything." She finished with a sadistic smile.

"Come on, Mary. I show you my room." Sirius grabbed my hand as he threw a disdainful glance to her mother.

"A gentleman doesn't take a girl to his room until the wedding." Laughed Walburga.

"I am not a gentleman as you said so many times before." Sirius snapped and took me to his room.

"Don't bother with her. She is drunk." He lopped down to his bed.

"She was right about Voldemort. As much as I heard about him, he wants exactly what your mother said."

"My mother is insane. Don't worry, Mary, I will never let anyone to hurt you."

"And who will defend the other people? Who will defend the other half-blooded, the muggleborns, and the muggles? Who will defend the world?"

"Voldemort has followers, but he has oppositional. And his most powerful oppositional is Albus Dumbledore himself. He will protect the whites."

"He is just a school principal, and he is just one person."

"Don't you trust in him?"

"I trust, just I think that people expect him too much. He is powerful, but he isn't God." I shared my doubt with him.

"The only thing is matter that we won't give up ourselves without fight."

"We? Sirius you are on the good side. Your family is the most ancient pure-blooded family. Your name protects you."

"That just a name, not make me who I am."

"I hope that we can avoid the fight, and stop him before he could gather too much supporter."

"This is the question of the future. How about if we just would enjoy the moment?" He smiled at me, and I nodded. This was so much him; enjoy the moment, because you can never know, when everything will go wrong. He didn't know how much he has right. A few months later his entire life was ruined.


	7. Chapter 7

The stranger, whom we known

„Now you can open your eyes." Sirius said, after he lugged my through the castle blindfold under Potter's invisibility cloak. He said he has a surprise for me on the occasion of my seventeenth birthday. I just hoped that it will be better like my sixteenth. All I got for that was a gold-red bra and matching panties. I had to clue Sirius up that this was my birthday, not his and he never will see those clothes on me. They ended up on Sirius' and James' head, because I hadn't misgivings, who were the originator. I hoped that this time he listened to Remus, instead of Potter.

When I opened my eyes I could see a large meadow. Some meters from us was a large plaid, on it was a picnic basket. Stars brighten on the night sky, and soft wind stroked my skin.

"Happy Birthday, Mary! What do you think?"

"It is so..." I started.

"Romantic?" Interrupted Sirius.

"It is so not you. That was what I wanted to say."

"Don't you like it?" He asked easily. He knew that I love it.

"I like it. Thank you. I didn't notice that we left the castle."

"Because we didn't." He said as he led me to the plaid.

"How is it possible?"

"I won't tell all of my secrets, in the end you will lose your interest in me." He smiled.

"I thought that the base of a permanent relationship is bluntness."

"I think that the base of a permanent relationship is mystery."

"Or both of them. After all, we are together for three years." I offered a compromise.

"Yeah, it's incredible." We never were the kind of pair, who talks constantly about their relationship. It was natural for us that we were together. I never thought that I could be with someone else. Childish naivety.

"You mean it was the best three years of your life." I chaffed.

"This is out of question." He gave me a kiss. "Firewhiskey?"

"Well, this is you." I laughed, while I hold my glass.

"What does it feel like being of full age?" He asked.

"You will know it in three months." I laughed.

We talked for a little while, but as the firewhiskey lessened so would the inhibitions resolved. After half an hour, were no words between us, but there were kisses, embraces, strokes, gentle touches. I knew what we will do, and I wanted it, because I felt it right. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first love. This was how it had to be, so I didn't stop him when he unbuttoned my shirt, as I did so many times before it.

"I thought that you throw it out." He pointed my bra with a wide smile. It was the gold-red one.

"I thought that I make it of use once." Besides this I hadn't pretty clothes, and the sporty ones are not too sexy.

"You were absolutely right."

"As always." I said, while I started to unbutton his shirt.

"You are gorgeous." He said as he stroked away my hair from my eyes.

I embraced him tight and kissed him passionately. When I pushed my body to his, he pressed his hand to his side and hissed. It wasn't filled with joy, but with pain.

"Are you, okay?" I asked with worry.

"Yeah, it is just a quidditch injury." He nodded.

"We hadn't got training yet in this year." I knitted my brows in a yellow way.

"I practiced with James. He threw the Quaffle more strength as he wanted and I couldn't catch it properly. It hit my side." He explained.

"Why didn't you go to Madam Pomfrey?"

"It wasn't serious, so I forgot about it." His ears started to be red.

"Show me." I asked gently as I pulled his hand from his side. There was a huge muddy bruise, right on his ribs.

"When you got it?"

"A few days ago." Judging by its colour it was older than he stated. We were in school just for eight days, and honestly, I couldn't imagine that Potter wouldn't drag Sirius to the infirmary with such an injury.

"You should show it to Madam Pomfrey, maybe your ribs are broken." I suggested carefully.

"There are no problems with my ribs. I am okay." He remonstrated. I could feel the anger in his voice.

"If you said so." I was angry too. I knew that he lied to me, and when I wanted to take care for him, he pushed me away. Didn't was the first time in that year, when he did it.

"I tell the truth, and if I remember well, you said that the base of a permanent relationship is trustfulness."

"I said it is bluntness. And obviously that is not in your line." I hissed. Not that I expected that he tell me everything, which happening with him, but he told a lie to my face.

"You know what? It's starting to be late. It is better if go back to the Gryffindor tower." With that he buttoned his shirt.

"So that's it? Drop the theme, lest we talk it over." I buttoned my shirt too.

"We talked it over, and I don't want to debate with you on your birthday. So please, come." I stood up, and he dropped the cloak to us. We made our way back to the Gryffindor tower without a word. Both of us were full of anger, if we would open our mouth, it could be only a debate, not a conversation, and I couldn't see the sense of a debate. The common room was full with students, when we arrived. There wasn't anything to astonished, it was just nine o'clock. Sirius gave me a quick kiss on my cheek, wished good night and went to his dormitory. I dropped myself to an armchair.

"Happy birthday, Mary." I mumbled disappointedly.

* * *

Next time we saw each other at breakfast. At the time I arrived, the boys already were there.

"Good morning." I greeted them as I sat down beside Remus. I didn't look at Sirius, and he leered at his toast. Potter and Remus changed a questioning look.

"I had to do my Charms homework." Stood up Sirius.

"You did it a week ago." Astonished Peter and I astonished how can be somebody so lightheaded.

"No, I didn't." Sirius sent a meaningful glance towards Peter.

"No? Yes, you are right. It was your Divination homework." Peter mumbled perplexedly. I put my head in my palms. Sirius hadn't got Divination.

"You are an idiot, Wormtail." Sirius said, before he left the room. Potter followed him after a moment.

"What wrong did I say?" Asked Peter desperately.

"Nothing, Pete." Said Remus resignedly.

"I go and apologizing him, even if not I was the one who did the wrong thing." Peter said dramatically. There was no way he left his friends. His state in Hogwarts depended on James and Sirius, and he dreaded it would be lost.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Asked Remus, after Peter disappeared from our eyes.

"About that my boyfriend is an asshole? No, thanks, it's enough if I know it."

"Well, I know it too, but I won't tell to anyone." He smiled at me.

"Thanks." I chuckled.

"It is better if we go to class. I don't want to late from Transfiguration."

I nodded, and we made our way towards the Transfiguration classroom. For our surprise Potter and Peter were there, but I couldn't see Sirius anywhere.

"Where is Sirius?" Asked Remus.

"That's asshole? I don't know, maybe he fall out with the rest of his friends."

"What happened?" I asked.

"I just offered him if he has a problem, he can tell me, I will help, whereof he started to shout with me that why am I think he has problems, and anyway if he has, I would be the last person to whom he would turn." I could see the pique on Potter, and I couldn't blame him because of it.

"Yeah, and I tried to apologize him," Peter took over the word. "but he said I don't have to apologize, because it's not my fault, that I am a no good idiot."

"Don't pay attention to him. He got out of the bed on the wrong side." I tried to solace Peter. "I am sure he will apologize when he will turn up."

The class' door opened and Professor McGonagall summoned us. Sirius was nowhere.

"Where is Mr. Black?" Asked McGonagall after we took our seats.

"He didn't feel well at breakfast. Maybe he went to the infirmary." Lied Potter. I admired him for his loyalty.

McGonagall nodded and would start the lesson, when Sirius stepped in the door. He didn't bother with greeting or apologizing, just made his way towards his regular seat, which was engaged by Peter.

"Good morning, Mr. Black. Don't you want to say something?" Greeted him McGonagall.

"Yes, I want. Peter took my seat." He pointed towards Pettigrew.

"There isn't your name on that." Maybe Potter defended Sirius, but evidently he didn't forgive him.

"This is my seat, I always sit on it." Sirius continued.

"Mr. Black, it is enough! Get an empty seat for yourself and stay quiet." McGonagall reprimanded him.

Instead of he would follow McGonagall's instructions, he started to talk back.

"And what if I don't want to be staying quiet?"

"In that case I have to ask you to live the classroom, and look up me in my office after classes." I envied Professor McGonagall's self-control.

Sirius sent a furious look towards McGonagall, but he left the classroom without a word. In his way out he hit Peter with his bag. The whole class stared after him with incomprehension. It wasn't typified he acted in that way. He always knew where the line between confidence and disrespect is, and he never crossed that line before. I could see the frustration on McGonagall's face. I looked at the Marauders' face and I saw my worry reflected on them. We knew that it must have happened something with him, something serious and we determined that we find out what.

* * *

After Transfiguration class, we had DADA class with Mr. Matthews, the young, handsome professor. Every girl in the school was in love with him, and I wasn't an exception, either. He was tall and lithe, he had dark brown, almost black hair, and tender, friendly brown eyes. He was kind, liberal, funny and helpful. He was perfect. So much perfect, that it would be suspicious, but I was young, and a teenager girl easily could seduced by a good-looking guy.

Sirius didn't come to the class. Obviously he interpreted McGonagall's instructions in that way that he don't have to participate neither of the classes on that day. Professor Matthews was the only one of the teachers, who missed Sirius. Potter lied again for his sake again. After class Mr. Matthews wanted to have a word with me. I walked to his desk with shaking legs.

"Yes, Professor?" I asked.

"Is everything okay with Sirius?" He called us on our first name.

"Hmm." I moaned. It was okay for me that I share my worries with his friend, but produce him to a teacher would be betrayal.

"I understand if you don't want to talk about it with a teacher, but Sirius strange behaviour makes me worry. He barely visits my classes. If he continues this habit I have to report it to the Headmaster. And the Headmaster liable to talk with his parents." I wondered if Mr. Matthews know Sirius' parents.

"We tried to talk with him, but he isn't the type, who listen to anyone."

"Please, tell him, when you meet with him, that I would like to see him in my office." It was a request, not an order. "The most of the teachers think that our only task to give our knowledge to the students, but I think there is more that we have to do. I would like to help to Sirius."

"I will tell to him." I promised.

"Thank you, Mary. Good bye."

"Good bye, Mr. Matthews." I was amazed that a teacher offered his help for a sign, which signalled that there is something wrong with one of his students. I trusted with my teachers without unconditionally. I have never misread a person such Mr. Matthews, and we had to pay the price of my naivety.

* * *

"Who will talk to him?" James, Remus, Peter and I hold a counsel, while Sirius was in McGonagall's office.

"It should be Remus. He is the one who hadn't got a debate with him." James suggested it.

"I don't think it's a good idea. He took in as an attack, when you tried to talk to him."

"Remus has right. He is the one who enjoy Sirius' trust in that moment. We have to hold up it, before he locks out all of us." I agreed with Remus.

"He made it clean-cut, what is his opinion about my help." Potter spread his arms.

"I am the same shoes. He didn't want my help either." I joined to Potter.

"I could try it." Suggested Peter. James, Remus and I agreed in silence that this isn't a good idea.

"I think we can agree on that talking lead nowhere. We need a new tactic."

"What do you mean?" I asked with curiosity.

Before Potter could develop his plan, the portrait hole had opened and Sirius stepped in the common room.

"Hi." He greeted us. He seemed the normal himself, not the neuropath stranger, what he was at morning.

"Hi." We returned the greeting cautiously.

"Listen guys. I would like to apologize. I am sorry the way I behaved with you." We looked at each other agape. Sirius Black is apologizing?

"I got a letter from my mother, and I was upset because of it. I am really sorry."

"No problem." Said Peter quickly.

I wasn't sure there is no problem, these mood swings aren't normal. I looked at Potter and Remus, and I could see the suspense in their eyes. There isn't normal that a letter from your mother made you upset and turn out of yourself. I always suspected that Sirius home life isn't ideal, but I just found out on that summer, how dysfunctional his family is, so I wasn't surprised, but it made me sad how much a mother can hurt her own child.

"Mr. Matthews asked me to pass his massage. He wants you to look up him, he wants to talk with you about your missed classes."

"If he wants to talk with me, he has to look up me." He said with a disgusted expression on his face.

He didn't like Mr. Matthews, and I wasn't able to understand him, but I could see the determination on his face, so I dropped the theme. He just returned to his normal himself, and I didn't want make him angry again.

We spent the night with peaceful conversation, Sirius was his old himself, but I was worried. As I recollected I had to confess that his behaviour problems started earlier. I didn't notice these, because these weren't out of his character too much, they were just smack differences. But he was kinder a smack with me, rudder a smack with Peter, a smack colder with James and he stood off by Remus. He used the perfect, personalized weapons against us, wherewith he could avoid the enquiry. I easily softened by kindness, Peter frightened by rude, James answered coldness for coldness and Remus would never pressed somebody, who avoid him. He did it perfect, we didn't notice it for weeks. Unfortunately, it was a little that we noticed his behaviour change for that we can solve the problem. And Sirius behaviour would be more and more worrisome by weeks.


	8. Chapter 8

Our friend, the traitor

"Mary for a word, please." I had déjà vu. The same conversation with Mr. Matthews week by week.

"Did you give to Sirius my message?"

"Yes, Professor."

"He wasn't in class."

"I don't know anything about it."

"Is everything alright with him?"

"Yes, Professor." I lied. It wasn't anything alright with Sirius. Honestly, there were more and more problems with him. One of them was that he rarely visited Professor Matthews's classes. It wouldn't be my problem if the professor didn't call me to account for it. I was no idea why he avoids DADA classes. This was his favourite subject, so I hadn't got a clue. I known about his feelings towards Matthews, but there were other teachers whom he didn't like, yet he visited their classes.

"Are you, sure? If there is anything I can help…"

"Thank you, Mr. Matthews." It started to be frustrating. It was almost harassment. I couldn't understand if he has problem with Sirius, why he can't talk with him. I bored the role of the messenger.

"I understand that it is uncomfortable for you to talk your problems with a teacher."

"With all respect Professor, but this is not my problem. Sirius is the one, who doesn't visit the classes, not me."

"He is your boyfriend, as I know. Do you two have conflicts?"

This was the point that stepped over my tolerance. None of my teacher has the right to invade my privacy.

"I have to go to class. If you have problem with Sirius, talk with him."

"I can't step in to your common room, and he rarely participates in my classes. As if do he left before I could say out his name."

"We have quidditch practice tomorrow. We finish at seven o'clock." I decided that was the last time, when the professor detains me. Sirius would solve his problems alone, I was tried.

"Thank you Mary." He sent me a grateful smile. A month earlier I could dance from such a smile, but by then I just could feel relief, that I don't have to offer up more free time and talk with a teacher about my private life.

I ran to Charms class to explore that Sirius didn't vouchsafe to come in to the class.

"Where is he?" I asked Potter.

"Sleeping."

"Sleeping at ten o'clock? Sirius?" Potter just nodded, because Professor Flitwick arrived. I took my seat beside Lily, and as I brought out my book I noticed Peter's guilty face. I was sure he knows something, which don't want to share with us. Potter and Remus noticed his shuffling too, so we nodded in our agreement.

"What do you know, Wormtail?" Potter started to question Peter as Flitwick left the room.

"I don't know what you are talking about." His ears went red.

"You are the worst liar. Even Mac noticed that you hiding something." I didn't pay attention Potter's comment about the power of my mind.

"I don't hiding anything."

"Peter, if it has any connection to Sirius behaviour, you should share with us. We are worrying too." Remus always was good in it, when we had to take effect to someone's conscience. He was always the first one who got the necessary information. I should have thought about the power of kindness.

"Come on Peter, leave the airs and graces. We all know that you will tell it, because you can't keep secrets." As I said I should have think about kindness.

"I can keep secrets!" Peter demanded. "But because it is worrying I tell you. Tonight I woke up at the middle of the night. I had nightmares about a cat, who wanted to eat…"

"You. We know, step it over." Potter interrupted him.

"No, it wanted to eat my cheese. But the point is that I heard Sirius mumble in his dream."

"What he said?"

"I didn't understand, but because of my nightmare I couldn't sleep back. I saw as Sirius woke up, and he brought out something from his trunk. It was a potion, and he drank it. After a few moments he went dead."

"Why didn't you tell it earlier?"

"I am sure that it was a Dreamless Sleep Potion or Shooting Syrup, something harmless." Peter defended.

"Dreamless Sleep Potion can be overdosed." Remus warned us. He was the best in Potions.

"It's better if we check on him."

We ran to the Gryffindor tower to the dormitory of the sixth-years boys. Sirius lad on his bed, his arms and legs looped over the bed.

"Sirius." I shook his shoulders. No response.

"Padfoot." Tried James. Nothing.

"He drank the whole bottle." Said Remus, as he analyzed the vial on the night table.

"What will we do?"

"Mary, bring a glass of water. James, Peter help me sit him up. I filled the vial with water with using magic, while the boys sat him up.

"Sirius, wake up. Come on." Remus tried to wake him up, during he hit Sirius' face gently. Sirius started to mumble. I gave the vial to Remus.

"Come on, drink it." Sirius followed his instructions. After he drank the water he started to get back his consciousness.

"Should we take him to Madam Pomfrey?" James asked with worry in his voice.

"I think he will be okay." Remus reposed us. "Sirius, do you know where are you?"

"In my bed." His voice was weak and still.

"More exactly, please." Remus directed him.

"In England, in Hogwarts, in the Gryffindor tower, in the sixth-years boys' dormitory. Close enough?"

"Why did you drink that potion?" I asked him.

"I wanted to sleep."

"Next time rather read a book. You always fall asleep, when you take a book in your hand." Potter suggested.

"Yeah, good advice. It doesn't make my head hurt."

"Your head is the smallest problem. You loafed away the whole day. McGonagall won't let it be without questioning." I couldn't feel sorry for him, after he did such a crass stupidity.

"Tell her that I didn't feel well."

"No, I am not your messenger and I won't lie to her."

"It's not a lie. I feel like shit."

"Why did you need that potion, Sirius?" Remus asked in a gentle voice.

"I said, I wanted to sleep."

"I mean, why couldn't you sleep?"

"Nightmares. They always come and don't want to leave me."

"Nightmares, about what?" Peter asked.

"They have no sense, because they are just dreams." It sounded as he tried to convince himself.

"Is everything alright, Sirius?"

"Yes, I will be alright. You just go to class; I don't want you to get detention."

"I stay with you." Potter declared quickly.

"I won't leave you alone." Joined Remus.

"Neither, am I." I assured him.

"I stay too." Peter said, but he sounded not too convincing.

"Thank you, guys." Sirius mumbled, and than he fell asleep.

We sat on the bed beside him, and watched him in his sleep. We didn't dare leave him alone. I had never felt such worry before. About what Sirius had said, I was sure that this wasn't the first time, when he had nightmares, and nightmares never mean any good. This kind of nightmares, when you can't sleep for nights and you wake up in sweat, always has a reason. Till then I had such nightmares once in my life: after my mother left me. The nightmares haunted me for months, until my father successfully convinces me that her leaving wasn't my fault, and he isn't angry with me because of her departure. I was sure that Sirius has problems with his parents, and I suspected this is the reason of his nightmares. Well, I was wrong. His secret was more scarring as I could imagine it.

* * *

The quidditch practice went wrong. Really, wrong. Our team never was so crippled. To be honest it was me, James and Sirius, who were crippled. What Sirius did tried all of us. James didn't dare leave him alone, not for a moment, and I shared his feelings, so did Remus and Peter. So always was somebody in Sirius' heel, and it made him frustrated. He accused us that we overreact his act and handle him as a potential suicidal nominee. We tried to explain him that we don't assume anything, just worrying about him. On those two days we had more debate, then the whole time of our notoriety. Sirius against us, we against Sirius. At one point, when the emotions went high, Peter cried himself, Remus ratted on him and I almost clipped his ears. Potter was the most assiduous; he was the only one, whom Sirius couldn't make upset. Sirius was evil with us, he ruffled us constantly so that we leave him alone, but we didn't give up despite of his behaviour.

As a captain James should have lead the practice, but his eyes and thoughts always were around Sirius. In that way was impossible to lead a whole team. As nobody supervised us, we fell apart. Sirius felt James' eyes on him and he wasn't capable of parry the goals, despite of that he hadn't got so much to do, because it was rare that the chasers neared the line poles. The team wanted to give up after an hour, but Potter wasn't the type, who gives up so easily. He insisted on that we have to carry through the practice. This was his first training as a captain and he didn't want to lose out. After two hours horrible fight, a very disappointed and pissed off team left the pitch, which members hated their captains with all their heart on that moment.

"Nice work, guys, we will see each other the day after tomorrow." Potter encouraged us, after we changed. All he got was just withering looks.

"I can't understand why they are so lethargic." Potter couldn't imagine that somebody don't enthuse to quidditch as he.

"Maybe, because that practice was a catastrophe." Sirius said with cruel bluntness. "And as you are the captain, this is your failure."

"It won't work. I know that you try to hurt me, where it hurts the most, but I won't leave you. Doesn't matter what an asshole you are with me." Potter said with ease.

Sirius didn't answer just put his hand in his pockets and made his way towards the castle.

"Sirius." It was Mr. Matthews' voice.

"Yes, Professor?" Sirius turned around. He said the last word with disgust in his voice.

"I would like to talk with you."

"I listen to you, Professor." It was obvious that he didn't want to stay between him and Mr. Matthews.

"Not there. In my office please."

"I don't want to lose the dinner, and after that I have to write my Potions essay." He lied; he didn't want to go the professor office after dinner, because it was full moon. "So, maybe in another time."

"I will wait you in my office at eight o'clock. If you don't come I will have to talk with your parents. They won't be getting carried away." With that the professor left us alone.

"Why can't you just visit his classes, and avoid the trouble?" I asked him.

"Ask the one, who wasn't in History of Magic classes in this year." He avoided the answer.

"Mr. Binns don't know even my name, but Professor Matthews even know your parents. Right?"

"Why do you think that he know my parents?" He asked with distrust in his voice.

"Because he talks about them on that way as he know them." I couldn't explain it, but I felt I have right.

"He was a colleague of my father. After he had graduated, he started to work in the Ministry. He was a pusher and his ambition zapped my father, so occasionally he invited Mr. Matthews to dinner. I didn't see him for two years."

"What happened?" Asked James. "An ambitious man doesn't want to be a teacher."

"No, he didn't want, but something happened, he made a mistake. I don't know, what he did, but he got fired by the Ministry, and my father cut off every connection with him."

"Had your father any connections of his dismiss?"

"I don't think. He really liked him. But why are you asking it?"

"I just wonder that maybe he wants revenge on your father, and he wants to fire you from Hogwarts."

"Yes, Sherlock and that's why he wants to talk with Sirius and don't go to the Headmaster. He wants to help on Sirius, not to alienate." I enlightened Potter.

"I don't think he wants me get fired, but I am sure he don't want any good to me." Sirius muttered.

"How do you mean? What would he do with you? If he doesn't want to fire you, you are in safe." I was in incomprehension.

"If you don't want to go, don't go. He can't constrain you." Potter squared with a shrug.

"Nobody can ignore a teacher."

"I will go. I don't want him to talk with my parents. Who knows what kind of lies he would tell them. The situation is not the best at home, and I don't want to add fuel to the flame." Sirius determined himself.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Potter offered to him.

"No, you and Peter have to go to the shack, and be with Moony. I will join to you later."

"We will wait for you; it can't take too much time."

* * *

"Where the hell is he? It is nine o'clock." Potter simmered in the common room.

"We had to go, Prongs. If Filch will close the doors, we won't be able to get out." Peter shared his worries. Potter obviously couldn't choose between his two friends, who were in need.

"You had to go. I look up on Sirius, and salve him with some excuse." I offered.

Potter nodded by the skin of his teeth. He made his way to the dormitory for his invisibility cloak, and I started out towards Professor Matthews' office. I thought about some excuses, wherewith I could assure Mr. Matthews to let Sirius to leave. For my luck I didn't need one, because I found Sirius on the corridor. I had heard his voice before I turned in the corner, I wondered with whom he talking.

"Do what I said and you will find out it." I heard his words.

"If you dish me, I will tell everyone your dirty little secret." The voice surprised me. I knew it very well, it was Snape's.

"I told you what you wanted to know. In return you shut your mouth up. That was the deal."

This was the end of their conversation, as I turned in, Snape stormed out beside me. His cheek was red by flutter, and in his eyes obsessed fire blazed.

"Sirius?" I addressed him, when I had seen him. He stood at the wall, he was pale, and his hands trembled. I ran to him, and smoothed out his hair from his face. I hated his shoulder-length hair, because it hid his beautiful grey eyes, but in that year he refused to hew it. It should have been suspicious, but I booked it as the accompany of the teenage rebellion. "Are you okay?"

"I had to do." He turned a blind eye to me.

"What you had to do?" I asked in worry.

"Tell him."

"Whom? What?" I didn't understand what he talking about.

"I had to tell him. I had to..." He repeated.

"To Snape?"

He didn't answer, just nodded. His legs gave up and he fell to the ground, pulled me with him.

"What did you tell to Snape?" He trembled, and hid his face with his palms, while he shook his head. "Sirius, what did you tell to Snape?" I almost shouted, because I feared the worst. Lily said to me that Snape has a theory about Remus' strange vanishings. She didn't want betray her friend, just warn me to stand clear of Snape. He desperately wanted to find out the reason of Remus' monthly disappearing. "Sirius, did you talk about Remus to Snape?" I asked desperately.

"I had to do." He whispered. Honestly, I wasn't sure he understands my words, and answered really to my questions or just talked to himself, but I couldn't risk it. On that moment I couldn't do anything for him, but there was the possibility that Remus' secret were in danger. So I left Sirius on the ground, and started to run towards the shack, because I assumed that Snivellus made his way towards it. I ran so fast, as never before in my life. In a few minutes I was in the hall, where I ran to an invisible leap.

"Ouch." I heard the painful murmur, as I tried to free myself from Potter's cloak. "Merlin's beard, Mac! Are you going crazy?" Potter hissed.

"Snape!" I cried. "Snape is going to the shack."

Potter turned pale, his eyes widened. He didn't ask anything, just stood up and ran out the door.

"Is Snape knows Remus' secret?" Peter asked in a thin voice.

"I don't know. I don't know anything." I snapped him up, in my frustration. I hoped so much, that I was wrong. I had free myself from the cloak with difficulty, and ran after Potter.

"Mary!" I heard Peter's cry. He got into the cloak all, so he couldn't follow us. I searched for Potter with my eyes in vain, but I noticed that the shack is still. So he had jogged the knot, and went in, I put two and two together. _Please come back alone_, I prayed. I heard his voice, he shouted something, on the moment, when I saw him, the sprigs of the shack stirred. The tree started up. I spied them in the tunnel, and I could hear the roar of the wolf. I didn't think, just started to run towards the knot so that I can stop the shack. I could push the knot, but before the sprigs stopped, one of them hit me. I fell to the ground three meters away, and I could hear two loud dumps beside me. Potter didn't wait the shack to stop, the sprigs hit them too.

"Get out of here! Go back to the castle!" Potter cried, and he didn't have to tell it twice. All of us staggered to our feet, and started to run back to the castle. Peter closed the door, after once we were in. We fell to the ground trembling. None of us said a word, we just looked at each other panting. _Snap knows about Remus,_ it had pounding in my head, _and Sirius told to him._ I looked at Potter, waiting for the solution, but it was too much for him. I could see my own despair reflects on his face. I grabbed my wand impulsively, as it could be solve the problem. _And it can, _said a voice in my head, _he have to forget everything. This is all we need._ I lifted my wand to wipe out his memory, but before I could have told out the spell, a voice ripped in the air.

"What are you doing on the corridors after tattoo?" McGonagall walked toward us. The wand fell out of my hand. Our teacher's words got us around. We quickly stood up, and seeped off our clothes. "I asked you something. Mr. Potter, are you bleeding?" McGonagall looked at Potter, whose nose was bleeding. James quickly wiped the blood from his nose, and I hid my bleeding palm behind my back. McGonagall measured us with her eyes. We couldn't hide all of our injuries and tears of our clothes. "What happened with you?" She arrogated the answer.

"He tried to kill me!" Snape was the first who found his voice.

"Why had to thrust your nose into someone's business? You did it to yourself!" Potter realised the situation, and tried to defend Remus. I wasn't sure that Remus was the one, who needed protection.

"He sent me there! He knew... He wanted to kill me!" Snape shouted, as he realised what was Sirius' intention.

"What are you talking about?" McGonagall tried to clear the situation.

James and Snape opened their mouth in the same time.

"One people in the same time!" Warned them McGonagall. "Miss Macdonald, could you tell me what happened?" She turned to me.

I stood there in silence. What should have I said? That my boyfriend betrayed his friends and tried to kill someone? No, it couldn't happen. _Sirius had to be a reason to do that_, _he had to be_, I tried to convince myself.

"Mr. Pettigrew?" The professor turned to Peter, after she realised that I wasn't in the shape to talk.

"Mary said that Snape knows about Remus, and that he made his way towards the shack. James went after him to stop him. That's the all that I know."

McGonagall looked at me, tears streamed down on my face. I didn't notice that I started to cry, I wiped my tears furiously.

"Is it true, Miss Macdonald?"

I nodded; I knew that we lost this battle.

"How do you know about Mr. Lupin, Mr. Snape?" Our head of house turned to the slytherin boy.

"From Black. Black was the one, who sent me there."

"You liar, sneaky reptile!" Potter screamed and hit Snape on his face. Snape unfolded with bleeding nose. Potter wanted to hit him again, but before he could do it McGonagall waved with her wound, and an invisible wall sundered the two.

"Enough! Mr. Potter, behave yourself! Mr. Snape, if you don't tell the truth, it will have serious consequences."

"I tell the truth, you could ask Black!" Snape looked in her eyes. His voice was filling with anger and disgust.

"Is anyone knows, where is Mr. Black?"

"I am here." Sirius stood on the top of the stairs. He was pale still, but he stood steady, his voice was hearty.

"Is it true, what Mr. Snape says? Did you send him to the shrieking shack?" McGonagall's voice was filling with confidence. She waited that Sirius would rebut the statement, as everybody waited for it.

"It is true, Professor." He said clear.

"No, it can't be true!" James protested. "You could never do such a thing." Potter laughed, he presented a woeful view. He pleaded Sirius to withdraw his words.

"I did it." Sirius confirmed his former statement.

James looked at Sirius in disbelief. McGonagall couldn't say anything for a moment, and then she waved with her hand.

"Please all of you follow me to Headmaster's office." She said in a broken voice.

We did or way without a word, we didn't even look at each other. McGonagall knocked on the Headmaster's door and went in, left us outside. After a few moments Dumbledore opened the door, and invited us in. We took the seats in front of his desk, he sat down to his chair, and McGonagall stood beside him. He looked at us searching our glances. None of us dared to make a noise.

"Who will the first, who will speak?" Asked us the Headmaster.

"I ran into Snape on the corridors, I told him that he should go to the shack if he wants to know, where Remus go in every month. That's the part of the story, what I know." Said Sirius detachedly.

Dumbledore just nodded, and turned towards Snape.

"I assume that Mr. Snape followed your instructions." Snape nodded. "Professor McGonagall said that Miss Macdonald warned you, Mr. Potter and Mr. Pettigrew, that Mr. Snape made his way towards the shack." Peter and James nodded. It seemed no one wants to speak about the story, in front of the Headmaster. "Miss Macdonald, how did you know that Mr. Snape went to the shack?" Dumbledore turned to me.

"I heard a conversation between Snape and Sirius, and I drew that inference." My voice was merely whisper.

"Is there anything else what you want to add the story?" The Headmaster asked all of us. We shook our head.

"I know what happened, what I can't understand the reasons. Mr. Black why did you send Mr. Snape to the shack? You obviously knew what will wait for him at the end of the tunnel. Why did you do that?" He asked Sirius with sadness in his eyes.

"It fluttered me that he always put in his oars in our business. I wanted to pull his nose. It seemed fun." He looked in Dumbledore's eyes, his face was emotionless.

"It seemed fun? Fun to kill someone? To betray your friend, and make him a killer? Is it fun for you?" James shouted to Sirius. He was so angry that almost blew up. I think that was the most painful for him, was that Sirius betrayed him too. His best friend. Sirius didn't answer or looked at him.

"I am talking to you! Look at me, and tell that it was really fun for you!" James reached the end of his tolerance. He stood up and searched for Sirius' look. Sirius turned towards him very slowly, his expression didn't change.

"It was fun for me."

"Did you really want to take away my life, Black, right?" Piton asked with voluptuous joy in his voice. He knew that Sirius will sign out his own death-warrant, if he answers to this question.

"Yes. What is the merit of a barren life?" He asked with a chill smile. Everybody looked at him in disbelief, the silence was strangler.

"This is not true. He threatened you. I heard it." I said to break the silence, and save Sirius from the expel.

"What did you hear Miss Macdonald?" McGonagall asked me with hope in his voice.

"Just the end of their conservation. Snape promised that he won't tell something, if Sirius' tell him, where he can find Remus."

"What was that something?"

"I don't know. They didn't tell it out loud."

"Mr. Black?" Dumbledore turned to Sirius for verification.

"Mary just wants to protect me. It is very nice of you Mary, but I don't want you to lie for my sake." He sent me a warning smile to shut my mouth. I gave it up, it is impossible to protect somebody if he runs to his doom voluntarily.

"Are you sure, Sirius that Mary is the one, who don't tell truth?" Dumbledore asked him.

"I told you everything, and I undertake the consequences of my act."

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew and Miss Macdonald, I would like to ask you to live. Mr. Pettigrew, please accompany your friends to the infirmary." The Headmaster nodded towards us. We stood up to leave, but Snape's voice stopped us.

"Is that the all? Won't they get detention?" He asked shocked.

"I can't see a reason to punish them. As I can see, they saved your life. Are you in a different opinion, Mr. Snape?"

"I am sure that they were in it too, just shied in the last moment. They didn't want to save my life; they just wanted to save themselves."

"They didn't know anything. I am the only responsible." Sirius defended us.

"Please go. I would like to talk with Severus and Sirius in private." Dumbledore ignored Snape's speculations. We nodded and left the room, before I closed the door, I glanced at Sirius worrying.

We went to the infirmary without a word. James almost ran, we barely can follow him. We didn't tell Madam Pomfrey, where we gathered our injuries and she didn't force us. She catered Potter first, because he had more injury than me. After Pomfrey finished the work on him, he ran out of the infirmary without a word, and Peter followed him. After Madam Pomfrey catered me I made my way back to the Gryffindor tower. The common room was empty, I was sure that Potter didn't want to see Sirius on that night. He was angry, disappointed, betrayed and bitter. He couldn't have handled so much emotions, it would be so much for anyone, but he was wiser, and first in his life he avoided the conflict. I wondered if he mourns his friendship, which was broken by Sirius.

Sirius came back from Dumbledore after an hour. He stepped in silently and sat down beside me by the fire. He didn't want avoid me or he just wanted to write of this conservation, I don't know.

"I am expelled." He said, again in that emotionless voice.

"Why did you do that?"

"I said already, it was fun."

"I heard your conversation. He threatened you."

"You misunderstood something, Mary."

"Sure." I bequeath to him. "When your parents will come for you?"

"They won't. I have to leave the castle in two weeks. Dumbledore didn't want a scandal, so I go home for Christmas, and I won't come back. He will tell to everyone that I changed school. He wants to protect Remus."

"And who will protect you?"

"It isn't necessary for anyone to protect me. I am the guilty one. My mother had right, I am a lame duck."

I recalled, when he talked about that barren life, and abrupt I was sure he didn't talk about Snape. On that moment I determined that I won't allow that he will be expelled. And for my plane I needed an ally.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN.:** Warning: mention of child's sexual abuse.

* * *

Never let him go I

It seemed I was alone in this, and it scared me. It shouldn't have been scared me, after all I was alone in my all life. Not that I hadn't got friends, oh no, I had plenty of, but they didn't know anything about me. I showed them a picture about myself, a part of me, what I wanted to show, but it wasn't me. I think it was the girl, who I wanted to be. Careless, invulnerable, self-confident. These attributes don't allow being hurt. I lost so much when my mum left me, and I didn't want lose anyone, and for that, the best solution if you don't allow anyone to know you. But I made a mistake, and let Sirius near to me. No, it's not true, he just knew me for the first moment he met with me. He recognized himself in me, and I recognized myself in him. That made our relationship so easy, so necessary. It was easier to let near someone, who already knew you. In that way we could hide our true selves from everyone, and we could be who we wanted to be. No one had to know our pain, our fears and it was reassuring.

If Sirius leaves Hogwarts it will change everything, and I knew it. After I recognized that I don't have to be alone, I didn't want to feel the loneliness again, so I couldn't let Sirius go. I tried to find an ally to help me, but I had to be disappointed. The people I relied on, disappointed me. Not just me, but Sirius too.

First of course I tried to convince James, after all he was Sirius' best friend. I hoped that we can talk the next morning after the incident. I waited for him in the common room, and he appeared at six o'clock at the morning. He crawled in the portrait hole, and looked at me with his tried eyes. I was sure that he didn't sleep all night. I wasn't sure what should I say, we never were friends, the only thing what bonded us, was Sirius.

"How are you?" I asked lamely.

"This is the best day of my life, I never was so happy." He said with sarcasm in his voice, it really was a stupid question.

"Sirius is expelled." For a moment he seemed surprised and frightened, but in the next moment he hardened his lines.

"He deserves it."

"Do you really want him to leave?"

"Do you think that Remus could stay in the same place with him, pretend as nothing happened? Somebody has to go and as Remus is the victim in this story, I think it's fair in that way." His voice was distant and painful.

"Don't you want to know why he did it?"

"Is it matter?"

"I don't know. Maybe. We can't judge him, before we would know his reasons."

"There is no reason to betray a friend." James adjourned the conversation.

"James,..." I called him in his first name in the first time in my life. If I couldn't take effect on his wit, I would try on his emotions. But before I could start my speech, Sirius stepped in the room. Potter automatically made a step towards him, and in response Sirius made a step back. Potter looked at him with wrecking anger and left the room without a word. I knew that I won't be able to win him. Maybe, when his anger skipped off, he would ready to help me, but I hadn't got so much time.

The next was Peter. I was sure that I can convince him; after all he was the one, who suffered the less damage in this story. Sirius didn't betray him and didn't risk his life, but he was more coward than I thought.

"So will you help me find out Sirius' reasons?" I asked him after I sketched the situation.

"I don't know, Mary."

"What don't you know?" I asked him thrown.

"I think the best, what can happen if Sirius leaves." He mumbled to his shoes.

"Please, tell it again, because I am sure that I heard it wrong."

"I am sorry, Mary, I can't help you."

"No. You don't want to help me."

"I would like to. Really. Just..."

"Doesn't overwork yourself, I understand. If Sirius leaves you don't have to share Potter's attention. You think that you will take over Sirius' place in Potter's life and you will be his best friend. It is better if you know that it never will happen. You are not Sirius. You are a coward, useless blood-sucker." I whispered to him, my voice shuddered with hatred. I was cruel, I knew it, and I hit him, where it hurt the most. I didn't regret my words even the tears started to stream down on his face, and I didn't regret it for a long time after that. I was sure that he deserved it.

After Peter let me down, it was only one people, to whom I could turn. I stood the door of the infirmary ashamed. I would have never turned to Remus if I had a choice, but I started to run off of the chances. I gathered all my bravery and stepped in. Remus laid in the distant corner of the infirmary, far from the curious eyes. I made my way towards him with a heartening smile. At least I tried to smile. He looked at me surprised; I have never visited him after full moons. Not that I afraid of him or didn't care, I just preferred to avoid Remus. He was a very good at read people, too good. I didn't want to get him a chance to know me; it would be uncomfortable for me.

"Hi, Mary." He pointed to the chair beside his bed. I sat down shamefacedly.

"How do you feel?" I stared somewhere above his head, in that was I didn't have to see his scars and anguished face. Obviously I didn't be a Gryffindor because of my courage.

"Not so bad. These seem worse than they are. A few days and I can attend classes again." I smiled at him, while my thoughts were around Sirius. A few days and he will leave. "But you didn't interest of it. You interested about how I feel about Sirius, right?" Damned Remus, he is too good. I nodded silently and looked in his eyes.

"I am sorry about what happened." It was true.

"It wasn't your fault." He jerked his glance of me and started to stare his hands.

"Neither yours. You know that, right?"

"I almost killed Snape. And James."

"But you didn't."

"It was just luck. I could have killed them. I could have killed you. I heard your voice as you screamed James name, and all was I could think that there is a late victim. That if I get you the hunger won't agonize me and all the pain will leave me. This was the only thing I could think. I didn't care with you; I just wanted to shred all of you. I am so sorry." After he had finished he looked at me with guilt.

"You don't have to apologize." I really thought that.

"I have to apologize, even if it can't change anything. I am really sorry, Mary." His eyes bagged to me.

I understood that he didn't want to hear that it was not him, but the wolf, that it wasn't his fault and he can't control it. He heard that over and over from James, Sirius and Peter, and obviously he couldn't be convinced. He wanted to hear just one single world and I gave it to him.

"I forgive you." _Even if there isn't anything what I should forgive,_ I added it in silence.

His face reflected relief as he looked into my eyes. On that moment I understood that I can't ask anything from Remus. His bag was too heavy already for a person in his age. It would have to heavy even for an antediluvian, I couldn't make it heavier for him. I had smiled at him and stood up.

"See you in classes." I said goodbye, he nodded and waved to me.

I left the infirmary with despair. In the end I was really alone, and if Sirius leaves I will be alone forever. _I won't let it,_ I determined, _even if I had to solve this on my own._

* * *

I tried hard to get to know, what was that Sirius was hiding. I tried everything: I asked him, I bagged to him, I threatened him, I created, I shouted, I cried (at least I pretended crying), I set in my effeminacy. All of these for nothing. Sirius didn't give me an answer. Most of the time he just left me when I brought up the topic. In these occasions we just sat in the different corner of the common room, lonely. I had to admit that in that way I won't find out why he did what he did. One afternoon I sat alone by the lake, after I got across with Sirius. I thought about a solution, a way that show me the truth, but my thought strayed constantly towards the good time we had spent together. The pain hit me hardly for the thought that probably we won't have good times anymore.

"I like the yard by winter. It's so calm and reassuring." Lily sat beside me.

"Yeah, winter is wonderful." It was my favourite season, but I take it sure that I will hate it if Sirius will really leave Hogwarts.

"Will you go home for Christmas?" She inquired and I nodded. "So you will spend the holiday separated from Sirius again." I looked at her questioningly. "I assume that he will stay in Hogwarts as usually."

"I think so." I mustn't tell her that Sirius won't spend his time in Hogwarts anymore.

"Are you two all right? You are fighting a lot nowadays. You didn't used to be like this."

"People are changing, relationships are changing." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Pairs break up and friends turn against each other." It wasn't difficult notice the change in the Marauders' relationship. But when the other students bugged me constantly, Lily left the possibility to me, if I wanted to talk about it.

"It's difficult. I mustn't tell you, but I swear I would. I really would." I swept away my tears.

"Will it be fixed?"

"I don't know. I don't know what will happen. The only thing I know, that I never was so lonely in my life."

"I am here Mary. Even if you mustn't talk about it, I am here for you."

I appreciated Lily's words, but she never could understand me in the way Sirius could. I smiled at her and whispered a thank you, when I noticed Snape as he came towards us. The hatred burnt up in me. The whole damned situation was Snape's fault. He knew that Sirius lied to Dumbledore, but he didn't do anything. He didn't take the responsibility. I could hit him, I could beat him until he tells me the truth. He would never tell me. Not to me. Maybe to another Slytherin. I started to regret that I never made a friend in Slytherin. If I had a Slytherin friend, but no, I didn't have one, but I knew a Slytherin, who was better than a friend. Yeah, if somebody, he will help me.

"I have to go." I jumped. "Thank you, Lily. You are the best." I kissed her on her cheek and started to run towards the castle. She stared at me confused; the show of emotions wasn't like me. I didn't care, finally I found an ally, I was sure.

* * *

I was waiting for hours by the Slytherin common room under Potter's cloak. I didn't want to imagine what he would do, if he would know that I stole his cloak. After three hours my man finally showed up, alone. I waited until he turned in the corner, after that I had dropped the cloak and ran after him. I grabbed his shoulders and turned him towards me.

"What the hell are you doing Macdonald?"

"We need to talk."

"I don't think." He started to leave me.

"It's about Sirius."

He looked at me with yellow looks, but he had to see that I have never looked for his company before, because we haven't got other common topic beside Sirius.

"Follow me." He ordered and led me in an empty room. He murmured a _Disaudio _and turned towards me. "What is it?"

"Your brother is expelled." I didn't feel the need to shuffle.

"What?" His eyes widened. "No, if Sirius would be expelled, I should have heard about it."

"Dumbledore doesn't want a scandal. So Sirius will go home to the holidays and he won't come back."

"He was a third year, when he last came home for Christmas. He never comes home for the holidays."

"If you don't believe me, you can ask him, but it would be better if we wouldn't waste the time. Only three days left for us."

"Why would he be expelled?"

"He endangered a student's life. Almost killed him."

"He would never do that."

"He did it. I don't know why, but he did it. We have to find out the why, and if it's a good reason I am sure he can stay."

"I assume that he doesn't want to share with you."

"So, do you believe me?"

"Who was the one, whom Sirius tried to kill?"

This was the sensitive part of the topic. Regulus and Snape weren't friends, but they had a good relationship. They understood each other very well, in the same way as Sirius and me.

"Snape."

"As you can't gather the information from Sirius, I had to gather it from Perselus." He made it clear that we are not a team.

"Do you help me?"

"No. But I help my idiot brother. Tell me everything what I have to know, and I will see what I can do with the information."

I couldn't tell him everything, I couldn't betray Remus. So from my story it seemed that Sirius and Snape debated on something and Sirius sent Snape to the willow, to the effect that the tree would strike Snape dead. I could see that Regulus didn't believe me, but he didn't tell anything, and I was grateful to him.

"You said that Sirius was by Mr. Matthews, before the incident with Snape." His eyes narrowed in a misgiving way.

"Do you know something about him?"

"Not much. He was a guest in our house a couple times, years ago."

"And?"

"Why do you think there is an and?"

"Because out of the whole story you picked up that. You know something."

"I don't know anything for sure. I just know one thing. From Mr. Matthews's first visit, Sirius sleeps by closed door."

"Do you mean…" The world started to swing with me. No, it can't be.

"I don't mean anything. I will talk with Perselus and tell you what I found out."

"Thank you."

"I don't do it for you. I will talk with Perselus tonight. Come here tomorrow morning and you will get the information." With that he left the room. I didn't know what I should believe. Was Mr. Matthews really capable of such a thing? Did Regulus lie to me? If is it true whether Sirius' parents knew it? If they knew it, why they didn't do anything? Was it the reason why Sirius' father cut off the connection with Mr. Matthews? Was it the reason why Sirius avoided Mr. Matthews? There were too many questions, but too little answers. I put on the Invisibility cloak and made my way towards the Slytherin common room.

* * *

I was waiting again. I waited for that Regulus start to talk with Snape. It seemed eternity, waiting in a corner under the cloak, and I was praying that nobody notice me. I wasn't there because I didn't trust in Regulus, but I had to hear it from Snape. Regulus would glorify the story, like I did, but I wanted to hear the whole story. If Regulus' guess is right Mr. Matthews have to pay, so is Snape.

"Did you hear that the Gryffindor's dream couple broke up?" It was a Slytherin girl, whom I didn't know.

"Potter and Black? No way! These two always hanging together." I told Sirius that he spends too much time with James.

"Not anymore." There was sardonic joy in her voice. Sirius and Potter weren't the favourite of the Slytherin's. I saw as Snape's mouth ran to a triumphant smile. This was the moment what was chosen by Regulus.

"I can see that not I am the one, who rejoice at the news."

"Do you think that I care with Potter and your arrogant brother?"

"Of course you care. They adjust you to care. They adjust everyone to care. They always put themselves to the focus, as they would be better than anyone."

"Well, an era winded up."

"I am curios why. They seemed inseparable. It seems that my brother stayed alone in the end." Regulus paid attention to be enough mock and flout in his voice. "At least almost alone. That tiresome Macdonald is still in his side. Like an unscratchable puppy, disgusting."

"I don't think it's matter."

"How do you mean that?"

"Well, I think that your brother needs that stupid bitch as an alibi to hide his to identity."

"Do you mean that Sirius plays in the other team?" Regulus really seemed abashed, so was I.

"He always hanging with Potter, you said that he always talk about Potter at home. He went to Hogsmeade with Potter on Valentine's Day." Yeah, it was hurtful for me too, but as I was in the infirmary with flu, I couldn't blame him that he went with Potter. It's not too romantic, when you sneeze your boyfriend at his face.

"But Potter is lust for the redhead girl, Lola."

"Lily. Her name is Lily."

"Whatever. The point is that Potter is obviously straight."

"Maybe your brother has another interest."

"Who?"

"Tall, young, teach DADA."

"Mr. Matthews? No way! He is a teacher, he is much older than my brother." Regulus' voice was filled with disbelief.

"What if I say that I saw them together?" So we are here, Snape finally jerked out.

"What?" In that time Regulus didn't have to simulate. Snape nodded with a sadistic smile. "When?"

"Approximately a week ago. I was going to the Owlery, when I heard voices from Matthew's office. They argued and didn't notice that the door was opened a crack. I looked in and I saw that the debate was over, and they were kissing. Your brother ran out after the kiss like a shy little girl." Snape laughed at his own joke. Regulus didn't find it funny. He stared at Snape with disgust. Snape noticed that. "What?" He asked.

"I am just thrown. It's unbelievable that my brother and a teacher, a male teacher, and no other than Mr. Matthews. An old friend of my family. I should have known. Sirius always gazed him with flush admiration. And that Macdonald girl, when Sirius invited her at our home, he barely cared with her. He just talked about that how happy is he that Mr. Matthews will be our new DADA teacher." I really admired his aplomb and fast turn of his mind. All I answer would I could give was a hit on his wry nose.

"Well, now you know the reason."

"Yeah, but you said that they were debating. What about?"

"Matthews wanted to tell something to your parents. I think he talked about their relationship or your brother sexuality. Your brother didn't want your parents know it, and he said he would do anything to keep it secret. Than they were kissing."

I wanted to run out. Run out from the common room, from the castle, from the world. No, this can't happen. Sirius wasn't gay, I knew it for sure. So Regulus' supposition was right. Matthews intruded upon Sirius. I wanted to cry, I knew that I should cry, but I couldn't. I felt emptiness. The world, where the adults were trustful and protective broke down around me. An adult, a teacher did this with a child, and his parents didn't do anything against this. Finally I understood, why Sirius didn't tell to McGonagall and Dumbledore what happened. In his world never was trustfulness towards the adults. I hated Matthews, I hated the Blacks, and I hated even McGonagall and Dumbledore. They knew that the story doesn't go on all fours, and they didn't make an effort to get to know the truth. They just simply alienated the dangerous piece. _They will regret it,_ I vowed, _I won't let Sirius go, and I won't let that Matthews get off without a punishment._

* * *

On the other day I met with Regulus at the appointment. He told me everything what he got to know. I didn't mention him that I eavesdropped.

"I can't understand one thing. What was the thing wherewith Matthews threatened Sirius actually?"

"Do you really believe Snape?"

"It is accommodates to your story."

"Yes, but do you believe that Snape really did not know what about Matthews talked?"

"He envies Sirius, because he is better in everything, than he." I wondered that Regulus feels in the same way. "This is a victory for him that the infamous Sirius Black isn't as perfect as he seems. I think he really believes what he said. But my brother isn't gay, so it had to be something else, wherewith Matthews could threaten him. Something that our parents shouldn't have to know. Do you have any idea?"

"No, I can't imagine anything."

"Maybe it is something about you." He looked at me with curios eyes.

"Your parents know me, there isn't anything what he should have hiding about me."

"So you didn't get married in secret and you are not pregnant, right?"

"I am not deigning to answer it." He couldn't think it seriously.

"So, you are not. But then what is it?"

"I don't know, and honestly I don't care. We have to tell to McGonagall or Dumbledore what we had known."

"Yeah, of course. Then they will ask again Sirius and Perselus, and they will deny again."

"Then what? Let it be? Don't do anything?"

"We need proof." He knitted his eyebrows, and showed me an omniscient smile.

"The only problem is that none of the affected ones want to talk."

"It doesn't matter. We can take possession of the truth despite of their will." Slytherins.

"How do you think that?"

"I think that you should share a last drink with my brother."

"I don't think that alcohol would solve the problem." I looked at him as a fool.

"Who said you should drink alcohol? Use your brain."

"No!" I shouted as I had understood what his plan was. "If we do that he will hate us forever."

"If he leaves that castle you will lose him forever. This is his and your last chance."

"You don't understand. I can't lose him." I said desperately.

"You will lose him one day in any case. He can't be yours forever. Sooner is better, less pain."

"Why do you think that we can't be together forever?" Honestly, I didn't think it, either. Sirius and I, it was a childish thing without future, still it was hurtful to hear it from another people.

"No offense, really. Just you never could be a part of our family." His voice was calm, as he said, no offense.

"Because I am a half-blood." I hissed disdain.

"No, not for that. You don't know what is the meaning of being a part of a pureblood family. This means devotion, meek, renunciation and sacrifice. You would waive a lot of thing for the family. And you proved just a moment earlier that you are not able to make sacrifice for other person." I could hit him, because he was right. I didn't think for Sirius, not for a moment, despite of I knew about his home life. I knew that the relationship between him and his parents, were very far from the ideal, and I suspected that his parents beat him. I knew how much means James, Remus and Peter for him, and if he leaves, he will be separated from them. I didn't think about his future, what would wait for him if he won't do his N.E.W.T.s. I was really selfish, I thought about just myself, my life without Sirius. My entire obsession to find out the truth was for me, but it was would be for Sirius, not me, so I looked at Regulus and nodded in agreement.

* * *

Regulus was the one, who gathered the potion. My task was to run it in Sirius' drink. I lied him that I want a last romantic night with him, before he leaves. I stole a bottle brandy from Slughorn, and led Sirius to an empty room, near to McGonagall's office (I really hoped that she will be shocked by the things she will get to know, and excuse the alcohol consumption in the school). Regulus was the one, who fit the ground by McGonagall. He did the hardest part of the mission. All I had to do was that I had to get Sirius to drink the brandy. I couldn't have got easier job.

"Close your eyes." I whispered to his ears. "I have a surprise for you."

"The golden-red lingerie?" He asked with bickering eyes. This time I excused his comment and kept smiling at him.

"You will get to know it." My voice was as silky as never before. It made its effect; he closed his eyes without further comment. I brought out the brandy and two glasses from my bag, and filled the glasses. I prayed that don't bugger it up, and don't I be the one, who drink the Truth Serum.

"You can open your eyes." I gave him the glass.

"What for we drink?"

"For us?" _Why have to ask him such a thing? Just drink it._

"Then for us and our last date in Hogwarts." He laughed and drank the drink. "Don't you drink?"

"Yeah, of course. For us." I raised the glass to my mouth, and pretended drinking. "Slughorn has high-class taste."

"Yeah, I almost regret that I didn't join to the Slug Club."

"Lily always has a good time in the parties. Although to drink a bottle Butterbeer is alcoholism for her, so I don't think that her opinion is authoritative." I really liked Lily, but she didn't know to have fun. To specify she could, but she has a different opinion about have fun, like me.

"I don't know why Prongs adore her. I mean, she is a kind girl, but too boring. Not befit to James."

"She is smart and very attractive."

"Yeah, she is the prettiest girl in the school." So the Truth Serum started to effect. It was hurtful.

"Do you think that she is prettier than me?"

"Yes." His eyes widened, and he pressed his mouth together. Obviously it wasn't the thing he wanted to say. Neither, that I wanted to hear. "I mean..."

"No. You are right. She is really pretty. And I know that you don't love me for my pretty face." It wasn't the time of jealousy.

"Yeah. There are lots of other things that can be loved in you." I wanted to hear these things, but I had to concentrate on my task. I had to find out what Matthews did with Sirius, not that what Sirius loves in me, but I had to wait for Regulus' sign. It came in a minute, blue sparkles glittered under the door. _So we are here, from now on, they will hear our words._

"I would love your bluntness. Tomorrow you will leave that castle, and I think that I deserve to know why."

"You know it."

"I know what you did, but I don't know why." Sirius didn't answer, so I guessed I should be more specific. "Is it about Mr. Matthews? Did he do something with you?"

"He threatened me." Sirius seemed surprise, but he laid his honesty at the alcohol's door. "This stuff is really strong."

"What with he threatened you?" It was like a trial.

"He said he will tell Remus' secret to my parents, if I..." He stuck in the middle of the sentence.

"If you?"

"If I don't sleep with him." All the colours ran out from his face.

"You said no, right?" I really hoped that disgusting reptile hadn't hurt Sirius.

"He had kissed me and I ran out. I ran at Snivellus." He pressed his palms to his throat, as he could bar the words to leave his mouth, but he couldn't. "He saw us and told me that he will tell it to everybody, he told that my parents will know that how aberrant I am, except if I tell him where Remus goes at every month. I had to tell him, my parents can't know it." He was really in a trap, where he couldn't make a good decision. I couldn't blame him that he chose his parents. On that state of mind he would think that if Remus eats Snape, the problem is solved. At least, one of the problems.

"It wasn't your fault Sirius. There is nothing you would be ashamed. Your parents would understand it."

"No, they never! My mother never! She didn't understand, when he... She didn't believe me. She never believes me."

"Did Mr. Matthews do that with you earlier, when he was a guest in your house?"

The words failed Sirius; he just nodded and put his palms to his face. The next question was the hardest, I wished that I would avoid it, but I had to ask. If he did with Sirius, whereby I was terrified, Sirius will need professional help.

"Did he rape you?" My voice was barely whisper, the tears burnt my eyes. He held up his head and looked at me. For a moment I thought the serum's effect was over, and he won't answer to my question.

"He came to my room after dinner." His eyes were blind, as he would stick in that night, whereof he talked about. "He said that he would have seen my room, the Gryffindor's room. He closed the door and got off a golden-red scarf from my dresser. He balled it to my neck and pulled me to him. His face was so close to mine and his hand started to unbutton my shirt. He whispered something, I couldn't hear it, I was frozen. He pulled my shirt off. I wanted to scream, but I opened my mouth in vain. I had no voice, I couldn't scream, and he just smiled at me and stroked my face." He shivered for the memory. "Then Kreacher apparitioned to my room, and he let me. It said that my father wants to see Mr. Matthews in his office. He left me with a smile, with the promise that he will come back. Later that night my mother called me to the living room. Kreacher told her, what it saw. I told everything to my mother, in the hope of protection. She hit me on my face, and called me a liar. She said that I am a perverted, and if I will tell it to anybody, she will make it sure that I never would say a word again." He finished his story, and stared to the nowhere. I cautiously touched his hand, but he jerked his hand away. His eyes filled with life again. He looked at me, and then to the glass.

"What did you do with me?" He grabbed my bag, and emptied it to the ground. He found the clear liquid filled vial. "How could you do that?" He shouted and dropped the vial to the wall. It fell apart for smithereens, like Sirius' trust towards me.

"I am sorry, Sirius. We had to do it for you." I cried.

"We?"

"Sorry brother." Regulus stepped in the room with McGonagall. "It was for you."

Sirius stared at him in disbelief. I stared at McGonagall, whose eyes were red and puffy, she seemed aghast. I couldn't see the strong and firm witch. It was a broken woman, who lived for too long, and saw too much. I heard Sirius' scream, and I saw as he rushed at Regulus, who didn't prepared for the attack. They fell to the ground with a loud thud.

"You little bastard. You did it to foul me in the front of mother. It is not enough for you that you are the favourite son, you want to be the only one." He punched to Regulus' face. It was hurtful to hear the desperation in Sirius's voice. He desired for the love of his mother, and he knew that he never will get it, still he hoped. I screamed his name to make him stop, but it hadn't affected. McGonagall was wakened and with a wave of her wand, he separated Sirius from his brother. Sirius fell on his back, but in the moment he touched the ground, he started to stand up. I grabbed his hand, and screamed his name again. He looked at me with pain and anger.

"You! I trusted in you, and you betrayed me!"

"I just wanted to help you!"

"I don't need your help. I don't need you! Nobody needs you, even your mother didn't need you, because you are a burden to people!" His words hurt me more than anything. I released his hand and stepped back, I was sure that the pain will kill me. "That's why your mother left you, because you are unavailable." I was on to respond, but McGonagall's voice stopped me.

"Enough! Miss Macdonald and Mr. Black, please send Mr. Matthews to the headmaster's office, than go back to your dormitories. Sirius, please follow me." We stood there for a moment, when Regulus grabbed my hand and started to pull me towards the door. McGonagall put her hand on Sirius' shoulder and lead him by it.

"He didn't mean it." Said Regulus on our way.

"He did. The Veritaserum talked in him."

"The anger talked in him. We betrayed his trust and produced him to a teacher behind his back. He will calm down and regret what he said." I assumed that we didn't know the same Sirius, or Regulus just hoped that it will happen. Not I was the one, who heard painful things on that night. "It is better if I talk alone with Matthews. You would be too suspicious." I nodded in agreement; I didn't want to see that sickening man. "We did the right thing." If the people do the right thing, they should feel gorgeous, but I have never felt so wretch. I nodded again, and left Regulus alone in the corridors and went back to the common room. I sat by the fireplace and stared in the fire.

"Are you alright, Mary?" Remus sat down beside me.

"No, but I will, unlike Sirius. He has really big problems, what he can't solve alone and he needs his friends. I know that I ask too much, but he really needs you guys. I lost his trust, so I can't help him anymore, but he needs somebody to be his side."

"What happened?" Remus asked in worry.

"Who cares?" Potter stepped behind our back. "We were always by his side, but he betrayed us. Solve his problem alone!"

"This problem can't be solved alone. Maybe it can be solved completely never."

"What are you talking about, Mary?" Remus sent a warning look towards Potter, before he could open his mouth.

"Sirius will stay in Hogwarts, but Matthews will leave." I was sure that he will have to leave the school, and hoped that he will go straight to Azkaban. "Don't ask the reason of his leave from Sirius. I think it would be better if you avoid the whole Matthews matter." If he wants to talk about it, he should bring up the topic, he didn't need more press. "But if he wants to talk about it, you just listen him; sometimes it's enough if somebody hears you or just be in your side." For my surprise Peter sat down to my side without a word and just stared at the fire. Remus brought out a chocolate bar from his pocket and handled it to me. Potter sat down next to Remus, who ruffled his hair.

"So you say that Sirius needs us." Potter played with the Snitch, what he stole last year. He tried to seem sloppy, but I could see as every muscle tensed in his body.

"Yes. He needs his friends."

"Where is he?" Peter inquired.

"In Dumbledore's office."

"Is he in trouble again?"

"No. He is just..."

"Miss Macdonald." McGonagall's voice split in the air. She waved with her hand towards me. I stood up and went to her.

"How is he?"

"He is in the infirmary, Madam Pomfrey gave him a Sleepless Dream Potion. The Headmaster calls in his parents at the morning, so he won't go home with the Express." I nodded without a word; maybe it is better if we won't see each other for a while. "You did the right thing, Miss Macdonald."

"What will happen with Mr. Matthews?"

"He is fired, but we can't do anything with him without Mr. Black's parent's permission. He is underage."

"So he will get off." The bitterness burnt my throat.

"We are teachers, not aurors. We did everything what we can." I had to smile for that, they didn't do anything, they almost let him go. "Mr. Black will get every possible help. You can visit him if you want."

"No, thank you. He needs rest."

"So are you. Sleep off yourself. Good night!" She said goodbye to me.

"Good night, Professor!" I made my way towards my room. Before I could step to the stairs, a hand grabbed mine.

"What can we do for Sirius?" Remus asked in worry and desperation. I assumed that he put the story together.

"Just never let him go."


End file.
